Deliberation
by writteninweakness
Summary: She wasn't ready to let go of her memories of Orion or return to her own world. So she chose another.
1. Chapter 1

**Deliberation**

 **Chapter One**

 **Word Count:** 5,886

 **Rating:** T, just to be safe

 **Warnings:** None (just references to what's in canon)

 **Summary:** She was not ready to let go of her memories of Orion or return to her own world. So she turned to another, needing more time.

 **Author's Note:** This is mostly based off the anime, though it does include some things from the game (mainly the first one, I haven't played the others as I have yet to learn Japanese, but I did read summaries and included at least one thing from them.) Kent's route is my favorite, I adore his awkwardness, love his friendship with Ikki, and I was disappointed that Kent only got one episode in the anime when the others had at least two. The ending of the show kind of left things open to where she could have picked any path (but likely picked Ukyo's) and that everyone got some form of a happy end. That still wasn't enough for me, and while I tried really hard to resist writing fic, I couldn't help doing this. And it was supposed to be a one-shot with a single conversation, but it got bigger.

I just thought there was a lot the show had to leave out and even glossed over, and I've replayed the game since I started this for reference but there's still a lot, I think that wasn't addressed. That and my endless need for more Kent led to this, even if everything isn't quite... where it should be, blending the two canons as it does and lacking any further knowledge beyond them and a few summaries.

* * *

 **One**

She started toward the door. The symbol above it was the right one, the one where she belonged and where she should be. She'd fought hard to get to this point, to fix it all and have her memories back. This was what she needed to do.

And then, just as she was about to walk through, she stopped. Her eyes went back to the symbols above the door. She took a breath, and then turned, darting toward another door instead. She looked up, biting her lip.

Of all the doors, of all the places, she felt sure that this one would offer her the greatest understanding. She knew that shouldn't be true, not if the one door was where she'd belonged, but at the same time, would that world be as open and willing to accept as the one she kept thinking of?

She gave the symbol another glance, hating herself for her doubts. Hadn't she believed enough to bring back the powers of a god? Why was she hesitating now?

She looked back at the other door. She could no longer see Orion waving at her. He had said his goodbyes. She had told him to speak to her if he ever saw her again, but she would not see him, would not remember.

Was she meant to forget all of this?

In some ways, that was for the best. And yet...

She glanced at the symbol above the door and nodded. This was it. This was the choice she had to make. It might be the wrong one, but any of the others would be the same if she could not answer the questions she had, the fears she couldn't escape. She didn't even know how to ask anyone else.

She would talk to Orion, but she no longer had him. She would never see him again. She would even forget that he existed. That thought was so hard to bear, and it didn't feel right. She didn't want to forget about Orion.

Except... there was one other person who remembered Orion.

And she stepped through his door.

* * *

"This situation is intolerable."

Kent leaned back in his chair, frustrated. He was supposed to be preparing for his presentation, but he could not keep his mind on his work. Every time he put his hands to the keyboard, his mind began to wander. Even the smallest of things reminded him of someone now long gone, and he would lose hours to pointless thoughts and ramblings. He had created theory after theory while neglecting his current experiments and made no progress on his presentation.

He should finish it. London would be a change of pace, a new environment that would allow him to forget about everything here, and it had been all he wanted before.

Before, research was enough. His intellectual pursuits kept him preoccupied, and as he'd assumed love to be mere chemical reaction, he had no need of it. That time could come or go without his care, and he would eventually find someone who was right genetically like his parents believed.

Except he had found someone and he did not know that genetics had anything to do with it.

He put his fingers to his glasses, pushing them up again. He should focus. He had a presentation to finish. Going to London could only benefit him at this point. The opportunity was a good one for him, and he needed to leave behind the places that reminded him too much of what was not to be.

He reached for his phone, taking it out to call Ikkyu. He would not make any progress today, but his friend's usual suggestion of drinks was more than appealing at the moment. He normally did not relish the loss of awareness and dulled senses, preferring to be acute in all respects, but he was not so inclined now.

He had just hit the button to open his contacts when the door opened.

He sighed. "Yes, you caught me off guard again, Ikkyu. I surrender and will pay for the drinks tonight."

He put his phone back in his pocket, surprised at Ikkyu's silence. Was the other man truly sympathetic this time? Why was there no laughter or enjoyment of the victory? Even a complaint about how Kent wasn't even trying would be more fitting under the circumstances. He knew the statement was accurate. He had let his guard down and could not summon the will to restore it. There seemed too little point, and perhaps even a part of him wanted someone who meant greater harm than Ikki ever could to come along and spare him the trouble of trying to go back to his life as it was.

"Um..."

Kent looked up to see the last person he expected in the doorway. The one he wanted to see most, of course, but also by any estimation he'd used not one who should be there at all.

She let go of the door handle, blushing slightly. "Can we talk?"

* * *

She watched him as he rose, bumping his desk and shaking half the stuff on it. Kent still didn't know his own strength, did he? That made her want to smile again, but she wasn't sure she could move, not even to do that. She still didn't know how the words had come out when she stood in his doorway. Kent was a little intimidating no matter what he did—his size and his mind saw to that—but now her doubts were getting louder in her head, and there was no Orion to chase them away.

She hadn't been ready to walk through that other door, but she may have made a mistake coming here. What if she ruined everything for him?

"You're here," he said, his voice hoarse, and she winced to think that the her of this world was still fighting with him even after he'd promised to be more open about how he felt. Was she really such a fool here to throw that away? Kent was a good guy who had listened to and supported her even though she wasn't who he thought she was. She'd been sorry to leave him, even without the scary things happening when she was with Toma.

"Kent—"

She didn't finish because he'd wrapped her in his arms, almost crushing her to him. He held on tight, and she sighed, not understanding why her other self could be this cruel to him when he had changed and become as open as he was.

Then he pulled back, looking horrified. "Forgive me. I—It was... I'm not usually prone to such displays, but I had thought..."

"You believed you lost me," she said. She'd seen similar looks before from some of the others, Ukyo in particular always held that sadness when his good side was in control. "I'm sorry."

"I admit my mind is now frantically doing calculations to determine the likelihood of this experience being a hallucination and questioning whether or not I am currently awake or even sane by any kind of measurable degree. It is... a bit of an unpleasant thought to have."

She nodded. "I can't do those calculations, but I... I wondered about it myself, if I was crazy. My memories were changing. I saw things that scared me out of context, things that didn't belong and others didn't understand—I can't forget the look you gave me in that first world when I asked you about the festival, though having been there with you and remembering you saying you... you said you didn't have any interest in festivals. You must have thought I was crazy to believe we'd gone to one."

"That also seems like a dream, our attendance there."

She gave him a weak smile, wishing she could do better than this to explain herself or ease his pain. "I think I would have gone insane if Orion hadn't been with me to help me through it."

Kent took a step back, and she frowned as he turned away from her. "Orion."

"Was I wrong?"

Kent looked back at her, his expression troubled. "About what, exactly?"

"I... I thought you'd remember him. That even if I started to forget like Orion said I would, that you'd still remember. You'd know everything about what I told you before when he was here." She sighed. She had made a mistake, choosing this world. She should have gone where she belonged.

"Oh," Kent said, and something about his voice made her lift her head again to face him. "It is not that I have forgotten anything you told me. In fact, it has very much preoccupied me these past few weeks. I could think of little else since I lost hold of your hand. It... I believe I have formulated a new hypothesis about what is happening here, but first... Tell me—you are the you that was experiencing shifts from one world to another, who lost her memories and restarted each world at the beginning of August. You had a spirit named Orion in your head who was responsible for your memory loss and was trying to help you find your way to your proper world and your memories."

She nodded. "Yes."

"And you said you were told you would forget Orion," Kent went on, starting to pace as he spoke. "Would it be too much, then, to believe you found that correct world?"

"I think I found what I was supposed to fix."

He stopped, turning back to her. "Fix?"

"This... I think this will take a while to explain," she said. She saw the look on his face and frowned. "What is it? Is something wrong?"

"It's not... wrong, per say. It is more that I have noticed you have regained some of your confidence. When we spoke before, you were hesitant. You were so quiet and removed from the girl I had known that it was obvious something had changed. I misinterpreted what that was at first, but even so, you were quite different the last time we spoke."

She smiled. "Am I?"

"Are you so surprised? You said you were able to fix what you needed to, didn't you?"

She nodded. The cycle of her and Ukyo meeting and dying in world after world was done. He would no longer chase her to see her again and end up killed or killing to survive. She had Orion, though, to tell her not to give up in that clock tower.

Kent frowned. "Something is bothering you, though. If this thing is fixed, why did you return here? This... As much as I might want to believe this is your true world, I am not an idiot. I know you do not belong here."

She lowered her head. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to cause you trouble."

She felt his hand on her head again, and she looked up at him. He gave her a smile, and she smiled back even as her eyes watered a little. A smile from Kent was a precious thing, and she hated that she was hurting him just by being here.

"I'm not so strong. So confident," she whispered, wishing she could do what she wanted most and cling to him. "I came... because I wasn't. Because I was afraid."

"Afraid?"

She could only nod, unable to say more. Her memories of the other worlds were strong and even painful, and she didn't know how to talk about them even if that was what she'd come here to do. That, and she didn't want to hurt him more by speaking of Ukyo and the world she was meant to be in.

He pulled her close, giving her just what she wanted as he held her. "I know that I am... difficult. I do not express myself well and tend to be curt and even rude. I find myself thinking I am the last person anyone should come to for emotional support. And yet I know I have been gifted something valuable by the fact that you are here, that you spoke to me before and told me everything when most people would believe I would only think you crazy and have you locked away. You trusted me then, and I want to believe you are trusting me again. When you are ready to tell me, I am ready to listen."

"What about your work? Aren't you... busy?"

"I should be," he said, and she looked up at him again. "I am behind on my presentation, and I should finish it if I hope to research abroad, but faced with the very thing that has been occupying my mind and keeping me from it... I would much rather hear what you have to say or even... No, forget that. Just... I have been unable to concentrate on work alone for some time now, and perhaps your words could fill in some of the pieces I have been missing to put to rest my theories and end my distraction."

"You think it would help if I talked?"

"Yes, it is my belief it might help us both. Please, tell me anything you are willing to share."

She took a breath, trying to summon the confidence he thought she had. "I want to tell you everything."

He blinked. "You do?"

She nodded. "In part... it won't make sense without it... but in part... I thought you would be able to understand more than anyone."

"I find that difficult to believe. What would lead you to that conclusion?"

"You find emotions confusing. You have tried to understand them, and that... that's not something others have done. Shin hides, covering up his feelings with anger to keep people from hurting him. Ikki became caught up in his condition and denied his real feelings. Toma's feelings led him to do extreme things. And Ukyo..." She knew that part was the most confusing of all. She shook her head. "Plus, you already knew about the parallel worlds and Orion. You were the only one to learn that much and you're so smart that—I thought even if I did make a mistake in coming here, you would be able to help me find a way back."

"I'm not so certain I'm that smart, though I have done more research into parallel worlds and the work currently being done to locate them after our previous conversation. I have more theories, of course, but the factor of a spirit being involved does make me question whether normal science would be of any use in this situation," Kent admitted. "Still... I do want to hear what you have to say, even if I worry you have made the wrong choice in coming to me."

She could only smile, more certain of her choice now than ever. Kent would do everything he could to help her, and he knew where to look for research as well. The only other person who might have had similar knowledge was Ikki, but she wasn't sure that he would understand all of it, and as sensitive as he was, she knew her doubts would hurt him deeply, as they would Ukyo or any of the others. It wasn't that she thought that Kent wasn't hurting, just that he was more logical about things and would be able to see more of the larger picture as he had before, even when he'd been upset to learn she wasn't the girl he loved.

"I want to tell you everything," she repeated. "Though... I know it won't be easy to hear."

"Your trust and belief in me... pleases me more than I can find words to say. I know that I am inadequate to your needs, and yet you still turned to me," Kent said, smiling at her. "I cannot promise I will be all you're expecting of me, but if you want to... if you will, then tell me."

* * *

And she did, from beginning to end, even the parts she'd left out before, including details that made her blush or shudder with fear. She felt strange, admitting to her interactions with the other men, but she had come here because of those feelings, those moments. She needed help, but how could she ask for it without telling him why?

He sat still, quiet, and she was afraid she'd said too much, gone too far and hurt him or made him angry. He still wasn't easy to read, though she knew him better now, and she knew that at least part of her story had hurt him.

She missed Orion more than ever, wishing she could talk to him again, to know if she'd made a horrible mistake, but then if she had him with her, would she have even made this choice?

She didn't know.

She almost hated herself for it. She shouldn't have come, shouldn't have put this burden on Kent. It was hers and hers alone.

* * *

"I'm sorry."

Kent blinked, looking up and over to her on the other chair. While her appearance was still more or less collected, hat and bag sitting next to her, hair in place and not wildly askew even after he'd rubbed her head, she seemed distressed.

"Yet again you are apologizing when you have done nothing wrong," he said, frowning, and she stared at him, eyes wide. He supposed he'd let too much of his feelings show then, to upset her so much. That, or he had taken too long thinking things over, which he also knew was a bad habit of his. "You are merely telling me what happened. It is not my place to judge or be angry about anything that you have done."

She frowned. "Then... it doesn't bother you? You aren't... I mean, I spoke about other men. About being... with them. I kissed them. I... Ukyo called himself my true love. None of that... upsets you?"

Kent tensed. He wanted to look away from her, ashamed of his reaction. He'd been processing everything she said as she went along, adding to his hypotheses and theories. The information was fascinating in its way, adding dimension to the facts he already knew, and yet she was not wrong. Some of what she said was more than just difficult to hear. He'd wanted to react in ways highly unlike him—violent, angry outbursts or even extreme sadness to the point of tears or worse—and he couldn't say now why he hadn't. A part of him was numb, the rest of him was a bit frantic, and yet some part of his mind remained focused on unraveling the true nature of this problem.

Logic remained rather a comfort at this particular time.

"Kent?"

He sighed. "It would be dishonest of me to say that I did not have a reaction to your words. Having experienced this already, I know it to be jealousy, even if it is not my place to be jealous. My feelings for you remain unchanged, and I am not... I cannot pretend it does not... hurt."

"I'm sorry," she repeated, and he watched as she rose, crossing over to his seat. She sat down next to him, reaching over to touch his hand. "I didn't... I never wanted to hurt you. That wasn't why I came to you."

He stared at her fingers, both pleased and unsettled by her boldness. Her consideration was something he had admired about her all along, even if he did not understand it himself. In fact, that compassion she showed was part of what had peaked his original interest in her, though it was strange to think about now.

He lifted his eyes, forcing them back to her face. "If I understand correctly, you came to me because you are conflicted. You fear the loss of the current memories you have, particularly those of your companion Orion. You wish to hold onto those memories, but you are afraid of holding others at the same time."

She nodded. "Ukyo told me that... he changed because he died so many times and the pain of those deaths... he couldn't bear it. And I... remember dying. What if that happens to me?"

He moved his thumb over her hand. "I admit that I have no foundation for saying this, no proof of this particular conviction, but then I don't suppose there would be, for it seems something more based on... faith than facts. It is... a strange thing for me to say or even think as I have always prided myself on being logical. Still, I do not believe you are that kind of person where something like that could ever change you so much."

She winced. "I suppose that's part of what I'm afraid of."

Kent nodded. He hadn't missed that, either. "You fear that for Ukyo to have altered in that manner there was some part of him that possessed that capacity for cruelty and violence. They do say that under the right circumstances anyone is capable of killing, though, so it cannot be entirely discounted as much as I would like to reassure you on that point. I cannot guarantee that no harm would come to you if you had gone through that door. In fact... I feel uneasy about it even now. It would be difficult—almost impossible—to let you go there knowing what I know now."

"And yet... you'd let me go?"

"If it was what you truly wanted, it is not my place to keep you here. I could not do that, even if it is what I would desire most," he said. As much as he hated the idea of losing her, he would let her go. He had to. She was a woman with her own mind, and it was not for him to make any choices for her or deny her the ability to choose. That was not right no matter what he felt or how smart he might be.

"I thought so," she said. "I know... Toma wouldn't. Not from what I experienced in his world. And Ukyo... he was so desperate to keep hold of me in any way that he traveled to other worlds to see me. Shin was all about... being tough... so he might not have stopped me. Ikki... I don't think he'd stop me but I'd be more worried about what he might be like without me after hearing him drunk that time."

"Ikkyu has a flair for dramatics, though you are already aware of this, having witnessed our interactions," Kent agreed. "And if it is true that the girls are leaving him and it is part of a larger conspiracy on the part of his fan club, that should be made known to him so the cycle can be broken. As different as we are, he has been... a friend. I do not have many of those. I am difficult and disliked by many. He is popular, but those relationships are superficial."

"You are his true friend, though," she said, smiling at Kent. "I know you matter to him, as he does to you."

Kent frowned. "I am not so certain—"

"I saw it in more than one world, that you two were close. I think... that bond is important," she told him, giving his hand a squeeze. "It makes me wish... that you'd both be happy."

"You are kind. Perhaps... too kind."

She frowned. "What is that supposed to mean?"

He sighed, rising from his seat. "Your other reason for coming to me over choosing the place you were 'meant' to be. It is not just the idea of losing Orion holding you back or your fear of a dangerous personality emerging. You were driven by another fear as well."

"What?"

"Am I wrong?" Kent asked, wondering if he'd misunderstood the implications he'd read into her words. "I admit I'm not the best with emotions, but from what you've said... I think you are also concerned about your own feelings. Ukyo claims to be your true love, but you doubt this, don't you?"

"I..."

Kent grimaced. "I'm sorry. I was unclear. You do not doubt the sincerity of the part of him that loves you. You forgave his prior actions, including when he killed you. I admit that gives me no pleasure to say. It is a dangerous precedent to forgive someone so much."

She looked at her hands. "I believe he is a good person."

"He started out that way, at least, and I can understand how losing you would... drive a man to desperate acts," Kent admitted, though he did not want to speak about the time when she was gone or what he would do when she left again. "You already gambled on that in the clock tower and won, saving yourself and restoring the power of a god. It is yourself you doubt, and I am not referring to the same fear as we spoke of earlier, either."

Her head jerked up, and she stared at him again. "What?"

"You spoke openly of what you experienced in each world you visited, all of the relationships you were a part of, and even someone as insensitive as me can tell that you care about all of the men you were involved with."

She lowered her head again. "I... yes."

"Would I be incorrect in stating that you worry you do not love this Ukyo enough because of how you felt in the other worlds?"

She shook her head. "No. You're not wrong. I... I had only a few memories to go on, but I learned in each world how to... to love. I felt something the first time I met Ukyo, but... I felt things in the other worlds as well. And if I did, does that mean that... Was any of that real? Was it... love? If Ukyo is my true love... how could I feel something for someone else? Was any of it genuine, or did I just fool myself into thinking I felt more because of my lost memories?"

She hated herself for asking that of Kent, as he was one of the men she'd met in these other worlds, one who had listened to her and believed her, supported her in ways that the others hadn't, though in all fairness most of them knew nothing of Orion.

A part of her still feared that had Toma known he really would have locked her up, and she didn't want that. Shin would have had some sharp words to say about it as well, if he believed her at all, though he did know her well enough to know something was wrong and probably saw it. He wasn't the only one. Everyone knew there was something wrong. She'd been too unsure of Ikki to trust him with the truth, though she probably could have. Still, even when Kent wasn't romantically involved with her, he'd recognized her preoccupation and been tolerant of her talking to herself.

As for Ukyo... She didn't know if he knew about any of this. Supposedly, Orion had been looking for her when the accident happened that connected them. When she thought about Ukyo chasing her through the other worlds and causing all of this in the first place, she sometimes wondered if that was not more of a mistake. Not that she regretted meeting Orion or her time in the other worlds, but should she even know about them?

If she'd gone back to her proper world, would she already have forgotten them?

Kent folded his arms over his chest. "I fear you have come to the wrong person to ask about the emotional component, however... I must admit I see some flaws in the suppositions that Ukyo made regarding the other worlds."

"What?"

"It's actually quite simple, really," Kent said. "If you think about it in terms of logic and probability, the same basic concept of flipping a coin, then what holds true there is true of other larger things. And it bothers me that he found only worlds where you existed and he did not. He claimed those worlds chose to rid themselves of the anomaly that he was, which is somewhat of a reasonable expectation, and yet... why were there no worlds where he existed and you did not? From what I know of your family situation, it seems more likely that it would be the opposite."

She frowned. "I don't actually remember that."

Kent grimaced. "Forgive me. It's just that you... Your father was in some ways like Ikkyu, involved with several women. He and your mother were not together long, and he is the reason why your family is now distant from you. It just seems as though such a case might be more likely to result in you not existing at all, though... I know nothing of Ukyo's family. He and I have never met to my knowledge."

"Oh. Right. You don't work in the cafe here."

"I do find it difficult to believe myself that I did work there, as I cannot cook at all and am completely unsuited for customer service," Kent said with a slight smile. "At any rate, it is not my profession at issue or even my knowledge of this other man. The problem is the flaw in the overall premise."

"Could it have been only the wish he made? He wanted to see me again, so he'd only go to worlds where I existed, right?"

"That could explain part of it."

She studied Kent for a moment. She kept on hurting him, didn't she? Why was she even pushing this? She should never have asked him about any of it. "Are you... angry?"

Kent took a deep breath, turning away to walk to the window. He looked out at the darkening night and sighed. "I told you I understand how losing you could make someone... desperate."

"Yes, but that doesn't mean you're not... upset."

"I am. I suppose I might lose my own capacity to be rational if I were in a similar position, but the amount of damage that one man did to multiple timelines and worlds all to see you again—no, I'm afraid even with my ability to sympathize with his position, I find his behavior unacceptable." Kent put his hand against the window. "I cannot speak for what I would do if you had died and I were given the chance to see you again, but if that was his whole desire, then he did not have to stay long enough for his presence as an anomaly to matter. If he'd been willing to go back again, then none of this would have happened."

"You think... he was too selfish?"

"Yes." Kent sighed. "I suppose it seems romantic, him defying everything set against him to find you again. He made a wish and it came true. That alone is against the odds. Still, when I think about the damage he did to those other worlds and everyone in them... He didn't just affect himself or you or even everyone who knows and cares about you. He ruined the powers of a god and corrupted space and time all out of his own greed, and I cannot see the romance in that. Only suffering."

She had not thought about it that way, but she did now. Just how much damage had Ukyo done? Was that actually undone by her intervention at the clock tower? Or would it hold forever? What about the worlds where she was killed? What about her parents? Maybe she wasn't close to them and didn't have the same kind of friendships she knew with Sawa and Mine, but people would still mourn her. They would have been hurt.

"I must seem heartless to you. That I would... condemn his choice and not make the same one myself."

She looked back at Kent. "No. I think... it's very like you to consider all the angles and possibilities. You don't do much without thinking it through first. You're very careful. Maybe too careful sometimes, but I never felt... unsafe with you."

"Even when I touched your hair in a way that hurt?" Kent shook his head. "No. You looked at me with something close to fear more than once."

"Not because I thought you'd hurt me. I thought I'd made you angry. And I thought once you knew my secret you'd force me into the hospital. Orion said I wouldn't get better there, so I was afraid to go. And I did feel worse when I was there for tests with Toma." She rose, knowing she would need more than a few words to reach him, especially after telling him about Ukyo. "Kent, I chose to come to you over the world that was supposed to be ideal for me because I... trust you. I wanted your help to be sure I wasn't just choosing the easy path but the right one, not just for me but for everyone. For all the worlds."

"You're not responsible for them."

"That's not what you said about Ukyo."

Kent turned toward her. "The situation is also different. You going back to your world was to set things back as they're meant to be, wasn't it?"

"Is it? If I go back and lose my memory of this time, then... what happens if something else happens to me and I die? Would Ukyo make the same wish? Or... what if I don't lose my memories? Will that make it right? Ukyo couldn't live with his guilt. He should forget, but if he does... he won't learn anything from any of it. And I learned so much, but then... I... What if I couldn't be faithful to Ukyo because I'd already felt something for everyone else along the way? What if... I don't love him enough... but I feel like I have to stay with him because of all of this?"

She swallowed, realizing she'd voiced the worst of her worries. What if her feelings weren't real enough? She'd loved every one of them when it was their turn, hadn't she? And what if now she was afraid of what Ukyo would do or be like if she left him?

Shin had pressured her to define their relationship even when she had no memory. Ikki flirted constantly and wanted her love so badly she almost felt like she couldn't refuse him as well after learning the truth of his state. Toma had locked her up to protect her and keep her away from everyone. Ukyo had traveled worlds just to see her again and killed her when she was happy with someone else. Kent was the only one she really trusted would not push her about their relationship and give her the time she needed to be sure of how she felt.

"I know this isn't fair of me, Kent. I shouldn't ask you this, I shouldn't have come here, but... I didn't feel right going anywhere else. You... You listened before. You believed me. And you never pressured me, even if you wanted to. I trust you."

He touched his hand to her cheek. "Then I shall endeavor to be worthy of that trust."


	2. Chapter 2

**Deliberation**

 **Chapter Two**

 **Word Count:** 8,595

 **Rating/Warnings/ Summary:** Same as chapter one

 **Author's Note:** Okay, so part of why this got longer is because Ikki's my second favorite (again, love the friendship between him and Kent in both their worlds) and I wanted him to know the truth as well as have this moment with Kent. I kind of find drunk Ikki adorable, and I wanted to write it with some friendship thrown in for extra cuteness.

And I still need to do more research, again, but I think it would have to be tabula rasa for all worlds, not just the one with Ukyo.

* * *

 **Two**

Kent draped his coat over her and stood back, knowing full well he was already breaking his word to her. She trusted him, and yet he had not voiced two very important things to her. Not, of course, that he would do anything to harm her, even if he was still attracted to her and very aware of the fact that they were alone together.

He wanted to let her rest and hold onto the illusion for a bit longer, but he knew that was not right. Still, there was a part of him that believed that if he waited long enough, she would disappear again, and it would not matter what he said or did now.

He sighed. No, it could not be avoided. He would not wake her deliberately, since she seemed exhausted, worn down by all that led her here, but he could not keep her here, either. If she faded away again or chose to leave when she woke, he would accept that.

He did need to take care of something else, though. He reached into his pocket and took out his phone. He did not bother informing his parents of his current location—knowing them they did not expect him home anyway—and there was little to be gained from that. He shook his head, walking out of the lab and leaning against the wall.

He could use some time away from her, honestly, to sort out his own feelings on the matter. He'd felt the gauntlet from slight amusement to complete horror as she described what she'd experienced, and he did not know what to do with all of these emotions. He knew it was not his place to be jealous, but he was of every man she'd interacted with, especially this Ukyo who claimed to be her true love. He worried about allowing her to go to any alternate world or even interact with the versions of those same men he knew here. They might not be the same—though Ikkyu at least was similar enough to where Kent felt the others could be as well, but judging from the difference she described in her manager, Waka, that did not mean everyone was the same.

Kent did not know Shin or Toma well enough to speculate on them, having spent little time in either's company.

"Well, this is a surprise," a familiar voice teased, and Kent looked over to see Ikkyu standing there. "Not only is your guard down, but you're not wearing your armor. What's wrong, Ken? An experiment go wrong and get all over your coat?"

That was erroneous, but he let it stand for now since he did not want Ikkyu to know she was here and still harbored his doubts about her presence as it was. "You end every relationship after three months, correct?"

"Why are you asking me that now?" Ikkyu asked, frowning. "You've never doubted that before. You're not thinking about trying the same thing, are you? Or is this more doubts about my condition? You should know I'm not lying about it by now."

"To clarify, who ends the relationship? Is it you or the woman involved?"

Ikkyu frowned. "Ken, why are you doing this? If you're just collecting research again—"

"This is important, Ikkyu. Please answer the question."

The other man sighed, leaning against the wall next to him. "You may find this hard to believe, but they leave me."

"They leave you," Kent repeated. Then it was as she said. The fan club had made that pact, and Ikkyu knew nothing of it even now. The only trouble was that he might not believe it on Kent's word alone, and he could offer no proof or even a true explanation of where he had learned of this pact. "Are all of them members of your fan club?"

"I think so." Ikkyu shrugged. "Why are you so interested? You're supposed to be preparing for that big presentation, not prying into my love life. I know that it's been going badly for you for a while now—that's why I stopped by, actually, to see if I could help or even just distract you for a bit—"

"I believe your fan club has entered into a conspiracy wherein all members agree not to date you for more than three months."

Ikkyu stared at him. "What?"

"You said they were the ones to end it and that all of them were in your fan club. It is an obvious pattern now that I look at it more closely. This was something I did not consider in my earlier experimentation on your condition. However, were this to be true, doing so would ensure that you did not favor any one of them over the others and would keep outsiders unaware of the rules from getting close to you. They might even go so far as to demand that the girl dating you share the experience with them through daily reports."

Ikkyu shook his head in disbelief. "No. They're persistent, but they wouldn't do that. And even if they did—no. Rika leads them. She wouldn't do that to me. She's my friend."

Kent regretted that he must push further and cast doubt onto the one other person that Ikkyu seemed to be close to in this world, but if what he'd been told was true, this friendship was not worth keeping. Kent's actions were those of a true friend, weren't they?

"Is she, really?" Kent asked. "I have seen little sign of that outside of her control over those girls, and that much power alone makes her suspicious in my opinion."

Ikkyu glared at him, folding his arms over his chest. "You know, all the stress of this presentation has made you paranoid."

"I regret that I did not pay enough attention to it before, as this cycle should not have been permitted to continue. If you had, in fact, agreed to such a course other than resigning yourself to it, it would be different, but as you have made some remarks to the contrary when you've become inebriated, I do not believe you actually desire to date in this manner." Kent studied him carefully. Perhaps he was wrong to have said anything at all. She would not think so, but then when she'd dated Ikkyu she had kept that truth from him. Did that mean it was better for him not to know? Everything Kent knew about relationships said otherwise. "Or do you? Have I overstepped the bounds of our friendship by telling you this?"

Ikkyu took off his glasses, turning them over in his hands. "You are one of few people who is completely honest with me. You've never treated me as special or resented me for my dating habits and the women who come around me. You may have seen me as something to research, maybe even as an experiment, but you didn't hate me because of the rumors and lies. I have always valued that."

"I sense there is more you wish to say."

Ikkyu sighed. "You are usually right about things you've researched. And I've yet to find a puzzle as challenging for you as the ones you make for me are, but... You had better be wrong this time. I want you to be wrong."

"For your sake, I would also hope I was," Kent told him, surprised by the sentiment. He had no desire to see Ikkyu suffer in such a pointless, cruel repetition that did not seem of benefit to anyone. What did the women gain? They were only with him for a short time and could not hold him. Why would it seem worth it? Even the theory of multiple partners ensuring procreation did not explain this situation with Ikkyu to any form of satisfaction. "If you wish, we could gather proof. We could find someone who would join the fan club and see if those rules were a part of it as I have theorized."

Ikkyu frowned. "Who would we ask? Do you have a sister you've never mentioned to me before? I mean, I can see why you wouldn't introduce us—"

"I remain the only offspring created by my parents' union. However, I may know someone who would be willing to help." Kent looked back at the office door. Would she even be there when he opened the door? He still wasn't entirely certain her presence was real or that she wouldn't be gone in an instant again.

Ikkyu nodded. "That's fine, but I'll speak to Rika myself first. We've known each other a long time. She should tell me the truth."

"She may not."

"Have you forgotten how good I am at poker?" Ikkyu asked, giving Kent an overconfident smile. "If I can't bluff it out of her, then we'll do it your way with the proof."

That was an agreement Kent found reasonable and easy to make. "Very well."

"And if you are wrong—"

"I suppose I could find less challenging puzzles for you for a time."

"That's hardly the apology I'd ask for," Ikkyu said with a grimace. "Though what worries me more is if you're right."

"Agreed."

* * *

She woke in a strange room, though by now she was almost used to it. She sat up slowly, not wanting to rush, her hand brushing over strange and yet familiar fabric as she did. Metal jingled just a little and she looked down to see she was covered in Kent's coat. She bit her lip, torn between a smile and a frown.

He was very thoughtful, doing this for her, but didn't it take him a long time to get into and out of that coat? Or were most of those buckles for show?

Curious, she ran her fingers over the sleeve, tempted to undo each of them in turn and find out. She could always buckle them again, right? She didn't know if she should, though. What if Kent was bothered by her messing with his coat? He probably left some of the buckles in place to make it easier to get on and off, and if she undid them, she'd make more work for him. She shouldn't do that. Not again. Not when she'd already put so much on him.

She looked over at the window. Was it dark out? It had been light when she found herself in Kent's world again, but they had talked for a long time with all she had to tell him, and then she had napped, and she wasn't sure how long she'd been asleep.

She didn't have her phone this time around, hadn't woken up at her home and started over again. She'd stepped from the world between worlds and out into the university—not hers, she knew that much, though she wouldn't have known where she was if she hadn't spent so much time with Kent here in the lab.

She felt comfortable here now, which was definitely a change from before when it had been so awkward. She still remembered the day she'd decided to bring him drinks and it all unraveled, but it had turned out so well she was glad it had. Her only regret was that she couldn't stay with Kent longer after he knew and was going to help her.

She'd promised to let him see her the next day, but she'd been bumped by that man on the street and ended up meeting Toma.

Toma.

She wondered if he was always too protective, if he'd always go too far, and she worried about him. She worried about Ikki and Shin, too, and Ukyo. How was it fair to only help one of them? And how did she even pick one of them? If she was sure, really sure, that her heart was Ukyo's alone, the choice would have been simple.

Only she hadn't recovered any memories when she was with Ukyo. He'd saved her, but all she had was a slight fluttering in her chest and his words to determine their relationship. She needed more. And she'd have it if she went back, so maybe she was just delaying the inevitable by coming here. She should probably have just gone ahead to her own world.

She played with the buckle on Kent's coat again, starting to undo it as she thought about what to do now. She couldn't ask Orion, and she wasn't sure she wanted to make any wishes.

Oh, no. She'd been so sure Kent could help when it came to research—and he'd said he'd looked into parallel worlds—but that wasn't a guarantee, was it? Had she gotten herself stuck here because she couldn't make up her mind?

She didn't know what to think of that and was glad for the distraction when the door opened. She looked up to see Kent reentering the room.

"You're still here," he said from just inside the doorway. Then he winced and turned away. "I mean... you're awake."

She frowned, watching him as he shut the door. She knew it was rare to see Kent like this—never in any of the worlds she'd been in had she seen him in anything but his coat or the work uniform, and while both were nice looks for him, it was somewhat nice to get a glimpse of what he was like when he was more comfortable.

Or was this uncomfortable for him, being without his coat and so... free? Maybe being all buckled up was comforting somehow?

"Kent?"

"Ikkyu was here earlier. A while ago, actually. We talked outside the room—I didn't want to wake you and sometimes we do get carried away. Plus the subject matter would have been something that—well, to be honest, he took it better and less emotionally than I expected. I suppose he did not truly believe me," Kent said. He caught her look and added, "I told him what you told me about his fan club. He planned to speak to Rika about it. They should already have met up by now."

"That's... good," she said, wanting to think it was. Ikki would be free of the fan club putting him in that awful position. He'd be free to find someone he really cared about. That was what should happen, and she'd like to see him happy in every world if she could. The others, too. "But... what if she lies about it? Or... what if it doesn't exist in this world?"

"Ikkyu's dating patterns have held true between both this world and the world you experienced when you were dating him. You also spoke of harassment from his fan club in two other worlds. I believe that it is safe to assume this cycle of three months exists in each as well as the bullying from the girls in the club. If there is such an agreement in place, it is best to stop it now."

"But if Rika and the other girls deny it—"

"He felt confident he could get the truth from her, but he also agreed to further investigation as well," Kent said. "To that end, we may require your assistance, should you be able to provide it."

"Of course I want to help," she said, grateful to be able to be a small part of it if she could be. Maybe she'd already helped Ikki just by telling Kent what she knew. "Even if I'm not romantically involved with Ikki, he's a friend. And even if he wasn't, what they're doing to him is wrong."

"Agreed."

She watched Kent for a second, seeing something in his eyes that worried her. Why would he think that she wouldn't do this? "What is it? You didn't actually think I'd refuse, did you? Why did you say 'if I was able?' Why wouldn't I be?"

Kent sighed. "There is something I should already have told you. A theory I have held back from you thus far in part because I cannot prove it but also due to my own cowardice. I do not wish it to be true, but as I have meditated on it since you disappeared, it did seem like there was only one conclusion to reach."

She felt uneasy and clutched his coat to her as if it would give her some warmth against the chill overtaking her deep inside. "What conclusion? Wait, didn't you say that—you were surprised to see that I was still here, weren't you?"

He forced a smile. "Yes, I was. I said too much before, though... It would be wrong for me to keep this from you as much as I would rather not say it. I was even afraid to let Ikkyu into the room for fear that I would find only my coat upon my return."

She swallowed. "You... you thought I'd leave?"

"In some sense, yes, though not necessarily of your own volition," Kent said, and she winced to hear him say that.

How bad had it been for him when she just... left like that? Had the other her understood at all? Had she been harsh and mean to him because the last she knew, they were fighting?

"It..." Kent took a deep breath. "I feel foolish, but I cannot discount the possibility that you are not and never have been here at all."

She stared at him, needing a minute to understand that. He wasn't saying what she thought he was, was she? How could he think that? And if he did... how much did that hurt him? Could anything she said or did now help?

"You think... I don't exist?"

"You are at the moment either quite real or the product of my delusions in wanting to see you again so badly," he said, and she couldn't respond, just kept staring at him. "You seem... shocked by that statement. Perhaps I should—"

"I didn't come back?" That couldn't be right. She was the one moving through worlds. Her other self should still be here. "Didn't I... wasn't she there after I left? Or... did she... Tell me she didn't leave you. Why would she do that?"

"I suspect if she had it would have been because she, like you, was never mine to begin with."

She stood, horrified. She'd thought for sure that once she left each world, the version of her that existed would regain her life—and her memories—and move on with the man she loved. That was the only reason she'd been okay—if she could even say that—with leaving those worlds behind.

"That can't be right. She loved you... didn't she?"

"In no way was I ever certain of that, and as I think back on it, I believe that I may have been mistaken about the entire thing."

"What do you mean?"

Kent shook his head. "That is not important. What matters now is resolving your situation. You came to me because you believed I could help you with it. I do not wish to disappoint you, though I think I already have. I've no simple solution or easy answer for you. I cannot tell you what to feel or how genuine those feelings are. I cannot guarantee you safety if you return. I'm not even certain that I can hold onto the memory you wish to cherish."

She frowned. "What are you saying?"

"I believe we were all meant to forget our encounters with each other. That is to say... when your memories were to be restored, wouldn't that hold true for others as well? Why would the missing time be restored only in one place? Though I think it actually more realistic to expect that the solution would be to create more of a tabula rasa. None of us would remember being with you. One could hardly expect any of our relationships to be sustainable if somehow three weeks vanished for one party and not the other, and furthermore... in some worlds, you were badly harmed or even killed at the end of the end of your stay there."

"Yes, I was," she said, shivering again as she remembered dying when Ukyo threw her off the building, the fear of when she sank toward the bottom of the lake. How horrible would it be to return to either of those moments? That couldn't happen. Those versions of her... were they dead because of what she did? How could she have thought that leaving them was fine? She'd gotten some of them in real trouble. She'd even...

Oh, no.

She looked up at Kent in horror. "Did I... did I kill them?"

"No."

His answer was immediate, but how could he be so sure? She felt tears as she watched him, the guilt overwhelming her. She'd been drowning in the one world. How could she think leaving like that was okay? That girl probably woke in a panic and died horribly. And Ukyo threw her off that roof and she fell and... would that version of her even have woken up?

Kent came over to her side, sitting down next to her. He eyed her hand, and she wondered if he was thinking of taking it. She moved her fingers closer to his, wanting to feel less alone. She wanted a lot more than having her hand held. She wanted to have someone tell her it was all okay but she wanted to see it for herself that they were all alive and happy. She hated the idea of having hurt anyone, even if she hadn't known what was happening before she spoke to Kent and even now really understood what might have happened to her in the worlds she left behind. Orion hadn't mentioned it and she hadn't thought enough about it.

She should have. She should have seen it before now.

"Hey," Kent said, putting his hand over hers at last. She looked at his fingers and then back at his face. She saw such kindness there, such concern for her. "I... Forgive me in advance. I know I will state this poorly, but... I will do my best."

"Kent—"

"I do not think you should feel guilty for the fate of the other versions of you. That was not something you knew about prior to meeting me, and even then, we were still in the theoretical stage without any way to truly test our hypotheses. Using what you knew and your wits alone, such as they might be under the circumstances, you acted as best you could in their stead. What others did to you is not your fault. Some of those events may well have already been in motion before you were present. In fact, most assuredly some were," Kent said, nodding to himself as he spoke. "It is clear that the girls in Ikkyu's fan club are dangerous no matter what world they are in, but you are not responsible for their actions, broken promise or not. It was not right for them to force that promise of you in the first place. You are also not to blame for what they chose to do when you broke that promise. You cannot control them. You did your best to regain your memories and restore things to how they were. There is no fault in that."

She shook her head. "That's not enough. It was terrifying falling off that roof—that... she might not have woken up at all from that. And... drowning in the lake..."

"I don't think that's what they would have gone back to."

She bit her lip. "Are you sure about that? How can you know? You can't, can you?"

"Lacking the ability to see into other parallel worlds, I cannot know, but it would seem to me that if your world was going to be set back to the way it should be if you survived and lived, with your original memories intact and Ukyo alive at your side... then it would stand to reason that similar events would happen in the other worlds you visited as well. That supposes, of course, that a fair and equitable exchange would happen for all worlds and not just your own, but if that is true, then everywhere would reset when you regained your memories. All of us will be back at August first with no recollection of any of this happening. That is what I meant before when I spoke of the tabula rasa."

She nodded. "You're right. That would be fair. And right."

"You do not sound entirely certain of that."

She sighed. "I know I shouldn't care so much, not when there's so much wrong, but if that happened... not even you would remember Orion."

"No, but then the trade off would be that there will be no Ukyo to kill you or forgotten reports to cause resentments. That would mean that you would not fall in the lake or endure the harassment you experienced in two other worlds. You might still fall off that cliff in the world with Shin, but that is not the same thing," Kent told her, and she grimaced. "You said you woke up in the hospital on August first in that world. That accident had already happened. It was different from the one in Shinano with all of us at the meteor shower. That one would probably not occur again as you only avoided Shin due to the strange vision you had of him saying 'killed someone.' So that would not repeat. Most of the other versions of you would be... safe."

She nodded, trying to accept that and feel relieved. "So... I go back and I fix everything. I make it right for all of us."

"In theory."

She looked down, twisting the buckle on his coat again. She didn't like those words. Why wasn't it simple? Shouldn't she just... go back and it would all be fine? That was what she needed to believe, wasn't it? So she should accept that and go like she was supposed to. Why did she keep hesitating? Why wasn't it enough to believe that?

She faced Kent again. "Why do you say 'in theory?' Is it... because I made the wrong choice? I can't go back to the other world now?"

"Ah," Kent said, pulling away from her. "You're worried that my limited knowledge of parallel worlds is not enough to make it so that you return to your own world. I fear that is both true and possibly irrelevant. After all, we are dealing with a wish here."

She nodded. That was true, but it still wasn't reassuring. So if she'd done what Orion and the god planned, she'd just go through the door and set it all back to the way it should be. Everyone would be alive and safe. So she should have done that, and now she'd ruined everything. There was no telling if she had made the right choice at all.

"You think I can just make a wish and go? It's that simple?"

"It may be. Or not." He saw her look and shook his head. "It is not important. You have the information you need now, don't you? You can make your decision and go back to the way things were as you were supposed to before you diverted yourself to this world."

"Kent, do you want me to go?"

He looked away. "You would ask me that."

"Please. Tell me."

"You know I don't. I mean... if I believed that things would go back to the way they were, then I should have no reason to fear it, and I should say that. I will return to my former relationship with you—the other you—that was volatile and likely to fail. That should be my only fear, and it is not so terrible a thing as to keep you from setting all of this right."

"It isn't, is it?"

He tensed, but instead of saying anything more, he shook his head. "It's not my place to stop you. I am here to help you be sure of your choice. That's all."

She nodded. She'd come to him because she knew she'd have time to think about things and do what was right, that he'd help her consider all the angles and possibilities and things she wouldn't even know to think about. He had before, and he knew of Orion and her changing worlds. She wanted to be sure of her feelings before she made a choice that would change so much.

And she was closer now, but she was still holding back for some reason.

Kent had doubts, too, didn't he? And it wasn't just about how badly he'd communicated with the other version of her. Why wouldn't he tell her what he was thinking? Shouldn't she know that, too? Or was that too personal?

He did have feelings for her—a version of her—and she shouldn't be asking so much of him or forcing him into this awful position.

"I'm sorry."

He looked over at her with a frown. "Why are you sorry? I've told you several times already—you did nothing wrong."

"Coming here... it does seem more and more like it must be."

He reached over to touch her head again, making her smile even as her eyes teared up completely. She'd only barely held them back before, but now she couldn't. Kent really was kind, and she hated herself for doing this and not seeing everything. He had, but she hadn't. Even Orion hadn't when it came to what was happening with the others—or had he just not wanted her to see that?

How was what she'd done or what Ukyo did right? Even the god seemed to have gotten it very wrong, and she didn't know how to forgive any of them right now.

She put her hand on Kent's.

"Did you want me to stop? If I'm hurting you again—"

"No, I... Is it wrong to say I'd rather you held me?" She winced. "It is, isn't it? I shouldn't do this, and it's my fault things are wrong and I could fix them if I'd just gone back where I was supposed to but I was selfish myself and—"

"Shh," Kent said, pulling her against him. "What you did, thinking your actions through... that's not selfish. If someone else had done the same, you might not even be in this position. Not, of course, that I want you to have died that day. That's not what I'm say. I'm—What I am trying to say is that thinking your actions through is not always a bad thing and if it is true that you will forget all this, now is your only opportunity to give it such deliberation. You needed time to be sure. That's realistic. Others may not believe so, but I do. Another rash choice would not benefit anyone."

"Shouldn't you be telling me I'm stupid and childish and should have been able to see this on my own if I was smart enough?"

"Do I seem that harsh to you? I admit some of the basics of the arguments you missed are... frustrating, but were I to be deprived of my memories, is it really that likely I would act with my usual level of intelligence? I would likely be worse with people. Or perhaps better. It is difficult to be certain. Also, you had a spirit speaking to you part of the time and that clouded your judgment in some cases. Not that I would—it is not that Orion acted with malicious intent. He genuinely seemed to care about you and seeing you back to your proper memories. However... he did change your behavior from that of a typical amnesiac who would likely panic and seek help from a hospital or the police. That alone altered much of what happened and your response to things. You carried the burden alone and no one would be thinking wholly rationally under the circumstances."

He pulled away and looked down at her. "I doubt I said any of that right. I hope you realize my intention was to convey that... your lack of awareness was merely the fault of being human, not some unforgivable flaw or complete ineptitude. Oh, now I am making it worse. Perhaps I should not say any more. Are you sure you had enough of a rest? You could try sleeping again. You might feel different after more rest."

She wasn't really tired, not physically. The rest of her was a bit worn out and confused, but that was nothing new for her. She might just end up permanently confused. Though... no, not if she went back where she was supposed to be.

"Will you let me stay like this for a while? I don't want to be alone again."

"Of course," Kent said, pulling his coat over her, tucking it in around her a little. "Just rest. I know you have a lot to think about."

She nodded and then closed her eyes, trying to find a way to make all of this right again.

* * *

"Are you uncomfortable? It might easier for you to rest if you were not sitting half on me."

She must have fidgeted enough for Kent to notice, and she felt bad about that. She wasn't that uncomfortable, even if there were some parts of Kent that were awkward to lean against and some of the buckles on his coat were in places that made snuggling with it hard, but it was still nice here and she didn't really want to leave his side, even if she should.

"It's not that I'm uncomfortable."

"I find that difficult to believe."

She supposed he would. She didn't want to let go, though. Kent was all she had left of the life she'd been living, and somehow she still wasn't ready to let that go and be who she was before. She didn't know why that bothered her so much. She should be fine there, right?

She should, but she was still holding onto the wrong past almost desperately. Why?

"I don't want to lose you."

"What?" Kent asked, and she saw him frowning at her. She flushed. "I'm sorry, but if you're going to mumble your words into my shirt, I won't be able to understand you."

She knew she couldn't repeat what she'd said. She barely knew how it had come out the first time. She bit her lip, trying to make an excuse. "Um... well... I'm not really tired, so I don't want to... It's not that I don't appreciate the offer, but I'm kind of... this couch isn't exactly a comfortable—I mean it's too big for me alone—and it's not that I'm all that sleepy and if I really am honest about it, what I need is to—oh, but I—I'm doing it again, rambling in front of you. I did this in that other world, when we were coworkers. I'm sorry. At least it wasn't the scientist thing, right?"

"The scientist thing?"

"The... Pauli effect? Is that right? He was some... German... and he broke stuff?"

Kent sat back with a slight smile. "Ah, yes. Austrian physicist Wolfgang Pauli, also known for the Pauli exclusion principle. It was said that 'a functioning device and Wolfgang Pauli may not occupy the same room.' I told you of this before, then, I take it?"

She nodded, tempted to giggle now though at the time she'd been confused and upset by his reaction. She hadn't included it in their other conversations because it didn't seem important, but remembering it now was almost... nice. "I broke some glasses at work when I had a vision of Ikki teaching me to make a parfait. You came in after he helped me bandage my finger and told me about the Pauli effect. I didn't remember anything and was so confused and Orion was frustrated with you... but now I look back and... I liked it. You know so much."

"Yes, it would seem my mind is full of useless information," Kent said, and she frowned at him. He shook his head. "Forgive me. I think I've become... well, this sort of mood has never overtaken me before and I'm not sure how to describe it."

"I might be able to help if you told me what it was like."

He shook his head. "I'd rather not. And besides, if I am interpreting your earlier words together, you are in need of the washroom, aren't you?"

She blushed, even more embarrassed now than she'd been when she fumbled around trying to find something to say before. She knew why it might seem like she'd said that, but she didn't really want to say that to him and it wasn't true, but she had to let him think it was. She didn't dare say the truth. That wasn't right, not knowing what she knew and what she was supposed to do now.

She nodded, not looking at him.

"It's down the hall on the left. I'll walk you if you're uneasy about going on your own, but as late as it is, the school is deserted so you should be fine. Others find the empty halls unsettling. I do not, as the quieter atmosphere allows me to make more progress in my work, but if you are at all bothered by being alone—"

"No." She would be fine, and it would just be more awkward to have him walk her there. "I'll be fine. I'll be back soon."

He nodded, but the glance she took at him as she made her way to the door had her thinking he didn't believe that at all. He was afraid she'd disappear on him again, wasn't he? She supposed she couldn't blame him.

"Kent?"

He looked up from his coat. "Yes?"

"I am coming back."

He gave her a sad half-smile and nodded. She ducked out and hurried down the hall, determined to be as quick as possible. She didn't want him worrying about her—and she had to get him to tell her what he was holding back.

She had to know everything if she was going back to her own world. She had to be ready for it and do what was right. If he had a reason why she shouldn't go, she wanted to hear it. Maybe it was the same reason she kept holding back, even if she wasn't sure why she was hesitating.

She'd ask him when she got back. She promised herself that.

* * *

Kent sighed as he sat back on the couch, picking up his coat and setting it to the side. He wasn't cold, not now. He was still sort of numb, his mind all over the place. He owed her the explanation of his other theory, but that might make her hesitate again. She'd doubt her decision even more, and didn't he need to give her the arguments that would support what she was supposed to do?

This was not her world. She should have gone through the other door, not come to him.

He had to fix this by telling her what would make it easier for her to leave again, even if that was not what he wanted, even if he was desperate to keep her here. Still, if he was right, then none of his feelings mattered. He couldn't hold her here out of any selfish desire. Hadn't he been angry with the others for doing that to her?

He was ashamed to be the same way as them, but he did want to keep her. He would not lie about that. He couldn't.

He was still trying to summon the will to tell her when the door opened. He couldn't look at her, hoping she'd either accept his earlier evasion or suggestion that she rest. That would be better.

The couch creaked with much more weight than hers, and he frowned, turning just before the impact of Ikkyu's head with his shoulder.

"I spoke... spoke to Rika."

"That was your intention," Kent said, frowning at the scent of the alcohol coming at him. He'd almost think that Ikkyu was soaked in it given its strength.

"Rika... she... admitted... She admitted everything," Ikkyu said, his words coming out slurred. "I thought I just needed a drink to calm myself before meeting her... get it all right what I was going to say. That would have been fine, should have been fine... but another girl got there before Rika. And she had to tell me she loved me. I rejected her. I... I couldn't trust her even if I was free. That was what I thought. And then Rika came. She wanted a drink... and one drink became another as I tried to get her to talk. I had to push. And when I pushed... She tried to deny it, but I saw, Ken. I saw her lying to me."

"I imagine that was quite distressing."

"She wouldn't admit the truth even when I said I knew she was lying, not at first." Ikkyu sighed. "I told her I had proof. That you'd caught on and we researched it and she knew how thorough you are. I said I had the daily reports. All the details. I had them. I lied, but it was enough. She... she told me everything."

"That is surprising. I had believed she would resist longer and not confess unless you showed her everything and had a witness statement to add to your 'proof.'"

"Didn't I say I told her you did all the research? You should have seen her face. If it wasn't breaking my heart, it would have been hilarious. She went pale and stammered and... I hate her so much. I hate them all so much... You're the only one I can trust." Ikkyu's head slumped down further, onto Kent's chest, and he sighed, knowing his desire to push the other man away was in direct conflict with Ikkyu's words. "You're my only friend."

"I think it would be unfair not to remind you that the major reason we spend time together is my curiosity concerning your condition. It is research. It would be unfair to let you believe that it was more than that."

"But don't you get it? A true friend is that honest." Ikkyu said. He shifted. "Huh. You smell almost... flowery. Or fruity. You really did spill something on your coat."

"You are drunk."

"Yes." Ikkyu looked up at him, expression reminiscent of a small child or animal begging for attention. "You won't make me leave, will you? I don't want to be alone. I'm always alone..."

"Another inaccurate statement. You are frequently surrounded by people."

"Even you know there's a difference between being with people who care about you and people who just use you," Ikkyu said, putting his head down again. "You care. Or you'd send me away. If I was just an ex... experiment... you'd make me go..."

"Doing so would expose both you and others to danger. Your reflexes and intelligence have been diminished by the amount of alcohol you have consumed, and you could easily cause an accident that would injure yourself or others. You may even wish to cause yourself harm under the present circumstances and your extreme emotional distress."

Ikkyu nodded against him. "Very logical of you."

"As I currently seem to be your pillow or something perhaps closer to a stuffed animal in nature, I do not believe logic applies to the situation."

"No. It does. Doesn't. Don't... don't need logic. Need a friend. A real one. Could... could you pretend... for a bit? No logic... no practical reason... just... because you care?"

"Your behavior has me greatly concerned at the moment," Kent told him. "Is... is that enough?"

Ikkyu's response was either a loud snore or so completely incoherent it was incomprehensible, and there was nothing for Kent to do but sit there and sigh.

* * *

She washed her face again, trying to calm herself. She wasn't sure how to face Kent right now. She knew what she had to do—make the wish to go back and see if that was enough to make it all right again—but she hated to do that in front of him. Not that she could do it without seeing him again. She couldn't do that to him, disappear again when he was so afraid of it, even if she wanted to avoid seeing him hurt again.

She could do this. She would get him to tell her what he was holding back, and then she would make the wish. She had to do it.

She would rather Orion were with her again, but she shook her head and pushed on, walking back to the lab. The school was a little creepy without everyone around and in the dark, and she didn't want to stay out here for very long.

She heard people talking as she neared the lab and stopped. The rest of the school seemed deserted. Was she confused? Was Kent muttering to himself? No, wait, she knew that voice. That was Ikki.

She opened the door just a little, trying not to make too much noise and disturb them. Ikki had gone to confront Rika, after all, and this conversation with Kent had to be about that, meaning it was very important.

Though it didn't take much to know it had gone badly. She could tell from Ikki's voice that he was drunk, and he sounded miserable. She did think it was a little cute that he was almost snuggling with Kent the way she had, but as adorable as it was, it wasn't good.

The fan club had really hurt Ikki. Again. At least he wasn't alone, right? And he knew now. That was better, wasn't it?

She looked over at Kent.

"We did the right thing, telling him, didn't we?"

Kent looked up at her, his face again betraying how shocked he was to see her again. He grimaced. "Um, yes. As uncomfortable as my current situation is, I believe that it is for the best that he is aware of the true nature of his relationship with these women, Rika in particular."

She nodded. "I think... I think the me that was with Ikki was too scared to hurt him, but I think more and more that I should have told him what was happening right away."

"He might not have believed you."

"But he believed you."

Kent thought about that. "True. He did. He may have had his suspicions about the fan club prior to our conversation. My words were merely the tipping point he needed. Well, more your words than mine. I doubt I would have been cognizant of the issues in Ikkyu's dating cycle despite having previously acknowledged its peculiarities. I studied him but did not look close enough. Once again, you have reminded me of the need for considering the emotional component. Thank you."

She smiled at first and then stopped. "Why do you sound almost... dismissive? Like you're saying goodbye again?"

He eyed Ikki for a moment and then looked back at her. "I believe we have more thing we should discuss. Once you have heard that, you may well wish to part immediately."

"What?"

"You were close to it before, and it goes along with what we've already discussed," Kent told her. He gave Ikki another glance. "For someone who drinks as much as he does, he does not have enough tolerance for alcohol. Our conversation should have awoken him by now, but then I must also evaluate the other possibility."

She swallowed. "You mean that you're just imagining me, right?"

Kent nodded. "I may well be having a conversation with myself at the moment. Ikkyu will laugh if he wakes in the middle of it, but knowing how he gets, he is not likely to respond for hours, and that explains the uncomfortable position I am now in, though I could probably force Ikkyu off if I felt it necessary."

"I think it's kind of you to let him stay. And it will matter to him more than you know. You really are about the only true friend he has."

"So he said. I doubt myself the veracity of such a friendship as I am... who I am, but that is irrelevant. Have you reached your decision? Are you ready to make a wish and return to your own world?"

"Why are you pushing me on that? I thought you weren't going to pressure me."

"You assumed that, and I do not honestly wish to, but... No, I should say it. I have resolved to, after all. It is just—Give me a moment." Kent twisted a little, slowly getting out from under Ikki. He made another face after he was done. "I doubt I can procure my coat now. Still... I'd rather not have this conversation while pinned under him. Please walk with me."

"Won't you get cold?"

"For a while, yes, but I doubt this will take very long."

She frowned. "You're that worried about what you plan to tell me?"

He didn't answer, but that was an answer. Normally she'd want to think he was just really considering what she asked, but this time she knew he just didn't want to answer her. "Come. We won't go far. I don't plan to leave Ikkyu alone for long in his current state."

She nodded, following him out of the door. She wouldn't expect Kent to, even as insensitive as he could be. "Is there somewhere specific you intend to go?"

He shook his head. "No, though I do not intend to outpace you as I have done in the past, either."

She knew a simple enough solution to that. She held out a hand to him, and he hesitated, staring at it for a long time.

"Kent, I'm real. I'm here. For now, I am really here. Please."

He shook his head. "I'm afraid that only makes it more difficult."

"What are you saying? You're of when I leave for the my own world again? It'll be okay. You'll go back to the beginning, and you'll start over, but maybe that's better? You'll learn how to talk to me—the right me—and have a real chance this time instead of the one I spoiled."

"Yes, it would seem so." Kent looked away, out toward the university gates. "Of course, that all assumes that you—a version of you—were actually meant to be in any of these worlds."

She stared at him. "Wait, what are you saying?"

"It has been a theory of mine since the day I lost hold of your hand that perhaps there was no 'you' in this world at all. What I knew of our relationship existed only to keep a place open for you as you passed through this world."

She wished Orion was here to interpret for her or at least question more of what Kent was saying. Would he have explained more to Orion if he was here? Or would Orion already know what Kent meant by all this?

"I don't understand."

Kent gave her a sort of sad smile. "Is it simpler if I say that I've seen no sign of your existence since you left?"


	3. Chapter 3

**Deliberation**

 **Chapter Three**

 **Word Count:** 6,193

 **Rating/Warnings/ Summary:** Same as chapter one

 **Author's Note:** I don't know that any of the possible theories I've used make sense (though I still think there are holes in some explanations in canon but I could be wrong there, too) but I kept going back to this one as a possible solution. I think from what Kent said about how he considered things ranging up to alien abduction when he was trying to explain her odd behavior that he would think about all of them. And since there wasn't another version of the heroine in this world, this did explain that, too.

And I was going to add in more characters so this wasn't all about her talking to Kent, but this felt like a good place to pause.

* * *

 **Three**

She put a hand to her mouth, shaking her head. That was impossible, wasn't it? "No. That can't be right. I had to have been here—she had to—for me to take her place."

Kent didn't look at her. "I believe that to be the assumption that would seem to fit with the explanation that Orion and his god gave you. However, in my deliberations and having heard your story, I believe it to be still erroneous."

"Because Ukyo didn't find a world where I didn't exist? Because... that world was the only one where the two of us did exist?"

"Accepting the idea that there are infinite number of parallel worlds, it is almost impossible to believe that the two of you never co-existed in another. The odds against that are so overwhelming they would likely seem incalculable to you."

She supposed so, since she still had trouble with quick addition in her head at times. "You figured it out, didn't you?"

"The result was sufficiently high enough to suggest to me that if Ukyo truly did not exist in worlds other than the one you two were in, he was not human, either, therefore making him something closer to Orion or his god who seem to have only one plane of existence despite the many worlds."

"But... he was human. He couldn't do it on his own. It was his wish that sent him to the other worlds and made him suffer."

Kent nodded. "A wish that saw you survive, yes?"

"He had to see me survive past the twenty-fifth. The reason it didn't work was because he kept dying before he did because the worlds were trying to rid themselves of the anomaly he was. So he died over and over until... until he started killing me to spare himself death."

"It seems odd to me that a god with such apparent power and knowledge would not see such a thing coming. Clearly he did not consider all the variables in making such an offer."

She almost smiled. "Not all of us are you, Kent. I think even gods can make mistakes."

He gave a halfhearted laugh. "That is the problem, though. For such a being, with that kind of power, to have made such a mistake... if he could see the other parallel worlds and that Ukyo was not a part of them, why not stop there? It had to be at least some kind of a sign."

"Well, if Ukyo existed in other worlds but I didn't, wouldn't that just mean that... Wait, is that what you think happened? That... That he tried to bring me from a world where I didn't exist but Ukyo did? Wouldn't that have meant my death, too?"

"I am not certain. I lack the data and the ability to look into parallel worlds. However, I did consider the possibility that moving you from one world to another was not achieved how we previously thought."

"What do you mean?"

"When we spoke with Orion, we discussed how your 'core essence,' as he termed it, was moving between worlds. Not your physical body. We assumed that to mean that you were moving from women that were all identical to you from world to world."

She thought she understood now. "You think... I took the place of women who... weren't me at all? Isn't that... impossible?"

"Technically, everything we've spoken of thus far has been impossible," Kent reminded her. "However, I did not devote enough time to this aspect of the theory before sharing it with you. It was... Perhaps I did rush it, thinking it best to inform you of this since it would make your inevitable conclusion easier and enable you to reach it sooner."

He tapped his chin, muttering under his breath, and she thought he was still thinking about his theory. "I mean, there is some basis to it, of course. It is difficult to say just how much as... well, I had hardly advertised the fact that we were dating to anyone. Had I been more forthcoming with others about our relationship, I might perhaps have asked more people about it after you disappeared, enough to where my questions made me appear insane, but as I had not even informed Ikkyu of the fact that we were dating, when you disappeared, there was no one to ask. I did get some strange looks from the staff at the cafe who'd never heard of you, including those I knew to be your friends."

"I... don't work at the cafe?"

"At present they employ only Sawa and Mine, who both seemed to have no recollection of me at all," Kent said. "Though curiously, I did think that your manager... Well, that is neither here nor there. This hypothesis is still somewhat unformed. It's true I disliked it and did not want to extend much effort into pursuing it. I did go to your school to see if a student by your name had ever enrolled there—"

"I don't understand," she said. "I was in this world for weeks. I interacted with a lot of people. That... it doesn't just go away. And how... Ukyo came to other worlds looking for me, right? So that means that I had to exist here first."

"No. It doesn't. I already told you I don't think it means that at all." He closed his eyes, looking a bit pained. "This path made me consider more and more the possibility that I was, in fact, mistaken about your existence. That I had simply... imagined the entire thing."

"You're wrong." She wished she felt confident enough to touch him again, but after earlier, she wasn't sure she should or even could. He was wrong about this, wasn't he? She was real, and he knew her, and she was here. Now. With him.

"I'm sorry. I did not mean to be indirect, not this time," Kent said. "Everyone has blamed my recent distraction and obsessive nature on my presentation, and they accept it as they have no reason to understand my altered behavior or my fears. I believe—am nearly certain—that this world is in a holding pattern that will end when you return to the world where you belong. No, that, too, is inaccurate. It is not the world that is in a holding pattern. I am."

"Kent?"

"As Ukyo did, I refused to accept that fate that I had been given. I would not give up on you or forget what I knew. I did not allow the most likely scenario—which in some cases seems unlikely as I am not particularly given to flights of fancy or imagination—of you being an illusion to take root. I did not prove it, though I likely could have if I'd tried. I did research the parallel worlds as you know. I did other things that kept you forefront in my mind and did not lose hold of my memories... but that will end when you return to your world."

"No. You... you deserve to be happy. All of you do. I..." She stopped. She was afraid, wasn't she? That all of them would be lost in some way without her. Shin would grow harder and more distant thinking no one could ever accept him or look past what his father had done. Toma might take his protective nature too far with someone else. Who knew how far he could go? Ikki needed to break free of his fan club and find real love with someone he cared about. And Ukyo... he'd been so unable to cope he went to world after world and then even went insane.

And Kent... what if no one ever showed him how to look past logic and rational thinking?

"I had originally intended to tell you this theory so you would understand that you did the others no harm. However... you still had doubts about returning, and that prompted me to tell you that I did not think you were ever meant to be a part of any of our worlds. The reason why Ukyo and you could not exist in the same one was not a matter of fate—not as I see it. I find fate a belief I cannot support, though I could still be wrong about that. Certainly more things exist than my world view allowed for prior to meeting you and your spirit."

She nodded. "But I fought fate. I refused to accept that either of us had to die, and that broke the cycle. We both lived, at least long enough for Ukyo's wish to be fulfilled so all this could be undone."

Kent smiled at her. "Fighting fate is illogical, if such a thing exists, but I am not surprised that you of all people managed it."

"That still doesn't explain why there was no me here."

Kent shook his head. "I may be wrong about this as well, but combining the thought that you needed to be 'seen' to survive past that date and that it was your 'core essence' moving between worlds... It is possible that in searching for a world where the two of you could coexist, an attempt was made to integrate you into another world. If it was only your core self that was here, you would not be a target for the world itself to purge as an anomaly."

She blinked, trying to make sense of that. "Ukyo still killed me when I was with Toma."

"You had to be recognizable to Ukyo for this goal to be accomplished. Therefore your core essence would still be known to him and you'd be able to survive. However... he was already so far gone that he believed he had to kill you so he did. That forced the god to return you to your own world for one final attempt as all others had failed."

"You think that's really it? That I... was never in any of the worlds as myself, as a person?"

"That depends on your definition, of course," Kent said. "Still... You had no ties here—in almost every case your parents were distant or gone—and so you were given ties to hold you here, through us. Oddly the same few people kept repeating in your life despite the variations you found. I wonder... was that because in your world we were connected? Are we as necessary to your core essence as you yourself are? And yet... how can that be? I can't imagine that you and I were close in any other world. We were barely close here. Hmm. This does bear further thought. Why us? And the cafe, that was another constant. All these things, just because in the world where Ukyo knew you they were set? We all worked there and were your friends and coworkers thus determining that we must be something similar to you again?"

"Like... how Shin and Toma were childhood friends with me, almost family, and that seemed... constant, as you said?"

He nodded. "And yet there were differences as well, and not just because you were dating them. In the world you describe with Shin, you were heavily involved in a band. That is not something that carried through in any other world. It is possible that you still like music, but it was not your driving force anywhere else, and that makes me wonder if that was perhaps from the person you took the place of in this world. It also puts doubt upon Orion's theory that he was only meant to guide you while you were fulfilling Ukyo's wish and that his binding with you was an accident."

"What? You doubt Orion now? I thought—"

Kent grimaced. "He did say that he was sent to look for you, didn't he? Finding you and connecting with you were done purposefully. However, the 'accident' of your memories being lost might not have been that at all."

"Orion didn't do it on purpose. I know he didn't. He didn't even know what Nhil was up to."

Kent nodded. "I agree to a point. It is possible he knew more and simply did not say so, but I tend to discount that possibility—while still acknowledging it as one—because of his simplistic attitude and apparent open and honest nature, he may genuinely have been unaware of the true task set upon him or the lengths that his god would go to. Either way, I believe that your amnesia may have been intentional."

"What?"

"If, as I have proposed, you were not actually in this world at all, the conflict between the base memories that were 'you' in your core essence and the person you inhabited in this world would have shown themselves immediately upon your arrival in this place or any of the others. Meaning that the only way that Nhil, as you call him, could move you to a world like this and preserve your life for Ukyo to see would be to ensure that you were not aware you'd transferred at all. Obviously that did not hold true when he lost control of his power and you started randomly shifting, but in order for you to believe that you were a part of the world you were in until the twenty-fifth to satisfy the terms of the wish, then you had to have a tie to the place you were. That was given to you in the form of one of us, and... well, those ties are no longer necessary now that your own world will accept you. So there is nothing to fear and no reason to hold back from returning."

She shook her head. "There's still my feelings to consider. I didn't remember Ukyo. I still don't."

Kent's face was a mixture of relief and sadness. "You will, though."

"Maybe. If I make that part of my wish now, but there's no guarantee I will since I didn't go through to that world first. Is there?"

That brought a bit of a smile back to his face. "That's very analytical of you."

She smiled at him. "It is why I came here. To figured things out."

"Yes," he agreed, sounding troubled again. "Only we have done that already, so... Why is it so hard for you to let go?"

She looked down at her feet. She'd been asking herself the same question, and she didn't have an answer. Even Kent's latest theory hadn't erased her doubts.

"I don't know."

"That is not much of an answer."

"I know, but—it's not that simple with emotions," she said, and he tensed up but then slowly nodded in agreement. "They're not always so clear. It's hard. I don't even know for sure why I feel this way, and I keep trying to ask myself why, but I don't have an answer. I... I just know I'm not ready to leave. Not yet."

"Very well." Kent seemed to struggle with his own feelings there, his expression shifting quickly as he considered his response. "I suppose you have two options. You could wait for your feelings to clarify which has no definitive end date and may leave you stranded here for some time, or you could continue to analyze the situation."

"Isn't it kind of the same thing?"

"No. At least, not in the way I was thinking. The one path would be more passive, and as for the second... well, I did say my theory was not fully formed. Perhaps there is something to be gained in researching it further. I am now quite curious about how the ties always formed with the same few people, how their lives intersected even when not all coworkers, and that's something, too. The cafe. It, too is a focal point. Is it a nexus of some kind? I wonder..."

He started walking away, muttering to himself as he did, and she stared at him for a minute before rushing after him. Really, she should be more annoyed that he was doing it to her again, but he was kind of adorable when he got into this analytical mode—even when he bumped into things—and actually, him walking so fast while preoccupied—that was very familiar and even... comforting.

* * *

"It can't be said that time is a constant, not in this scenario, though it is not the earth or the season itself that has changed, only our perception of said time, meaning that it does, in part, remain as constant as if there were no outside interference. However, it is also not the same."

Ikki groaned as he lifted his head, not sure he was up to taking Ken in his full theory mode right now. His head was pounding, and he obviously hadn't made it home last night. He only remembered parts of it clearly, and he wished he didn't. They made him want to drink all over again.

"If you're thinking up a new experiment with me, you can forget it," Ikki told him, sitting up slowly. "I'm done with them. And with women. Just... done."

"I suspect that opinion will change when you are more awake, at least as far as the women go," Kent said. Ikki leaned back as a dark blur appeared in front of him. "Here. Take this. As your primary symptom is caused by your dehydration, it should help."

Ikki accepted the water bottle and took a sip. "Thanks."

"I have done nothing I would not have ordinarily done had you come here under less extreme circumstances," Kent told him. "Offering you water is only polite, is it not?"

"Can you pretend to be sympathetic for a little bit longer?" Ikki asked. "Just until the headache passes? Not because I expect you to care or anything, just... you're not the easiest to talk to even when I'm not hungover."

"I am aware of that," Kent agreed with a faint smile. "Very well. I shall endeavor to keep my comments to myself as I theorize. I am afraid the only other physical comfort I can offer is more water. Also... you may wish to avoid a mirror."

"What?"

Kent did a poor job of hiding his amusement. "You seem to have fallen asleep on my coat last night. The buckle left an indentation on your cheek."

"Please tell me you're joking," Ikki said, since sometimes it really was difficult to tell if Ken was just teasing him. "You're not?"

Someone else started giggling, and Ikki leaned around Kent to see a girl sitting in the other chair. She flushed red at getting caught, making her ten times more adorable than she should be, but no. He was off women. He hated them. They were all the same. And she was no different, laughing at him like that. He supposed he could play with her just as easily, since she was there, mocking him. It wouldn't take much. She probably already was under the effect of his eyes.

"Sorry," she said. "It shouldn't be funny at all, but Kent was smiling and you sounded so upset and I could picture the face you make when you pout and... Sorry."

That was different. She spoke like she knew him, but he'd never seen her. And more than that, she didn't seem to have been affected by his eyes.

"You seem to know me well, pretty lady, but I don't think we've met."

"Ikkyu, this is a friend," Kent said, a warning in his voice that had Ikki looking back at him. He had a strange expression on his face, one that was both relief and fear. Interesting. "She's involved in my current research and has nothing to do with your recent trouble."

"Oh," Ikki said, looking at her again. "She's the one you thought would help us if we needed proof to confront Rika with."

"Exactly."

Ikki gave her a smile, deciding against playing with this one. If Kent trusted her enough for research, she couldn't be all bad—not with his exacting standards—and she was cute. Ikki wasn't thrilled she'd laughed at him, but then again...

"You were thinking my 'pouting' face was cute, right?"

She flushed pink again. "Um..."

"Ikkyu," Kent snapped, and Ikki realized that he had stumbled onto something even bigger, with more potential for any kind of scheme, as he understood that Kent had feelings for this girl.

He set down his water. "Relax, Ken. I'm not awake enough to seduce her."

"You won't seduce her at all."

"That confident, are you?"

Flustered, Kent frowned. "Um. No, that's not it. I was more—it's complicated. You won't understand. This is... we should focus on the research."

Ikki shook his head sadly. Kent would never get a girlfriend at this rate. "I don't even know what you're researching, but there are more important things in life. You really need to figure that out already. You wouldn't even eat if you didn't get catered meals at home. And I'm not even sure when you were last home."

"Um, Kent?"

He looked over at her with a slight frown. "Yes?"

"Do you think maybe we should go to the cafe? You said it was a possible nexus, right? And it was a part of everything I did in the other worlds, so if your theory was right, then... there could be some sign of it there. Maybe." She gave him a timid smile. "We could walk there and have breakfast."

Kent considered this. "I acknowledge that proper nutrition is important and that we should address that issue at some point, but I am not so certain that it is wise. I... am not certain I like the idea."

"It's just breakfast," Ikki said. "Eating is important, and you get to do it with a cute girl. What's not to like? Are you really trying to make her feel bad?"

Kent shook his head. "No, I was not—it is a good suggestion. Please understand. I am not trying to belittle your input, but I hesitate to accept it. I realize this is slightly irrational, and I do not mean to be so... emotional about the idea—"

"You're worried about us getting separated on on our walk again like before," she said, rising to stand next to him. "Well... what if Ikki walks with us? I could also hold his hand. That way no one could bump me like before, and you wouldn't have to worry. That's okay, isn't it?"

She held her hand out to Kent, and Ikki sat back, watching them with surprise. This girl... she must really care about Kent to offer something like that. He doubted his friend would take it, seeing as he was that into this girl—he was clearly jealous and not liking that Ikki was even speaking to her—but if Ikki wasn't mistaken, she liked him back. A lot.

Was that even possible? Or was he still drunk?

* * *

"Huh," Ikkyu observed, looking at the sign on the wall by the stairs. "I had no idea this was here. How did you hear about this place, Ken?"

She squeezed his hand, and Kent forced a smile. Ikkyu had actually been helpful along their walk, acting as a buffer as she'd suggested. They had gotten more attention than Kent would have liked, the three of them, but he was relieved that they'd made it to their destination without her disappearing again. He actually could not begin to describe his relief that Ikkyu had not only seen her but spoken to her and even touched her.

She was real. Kent wasn't imagining this.

He would still lose her, and soon, if he was not mistaken, but he knew that had to be the best for everyone despite his personal feelings. His emotions were not worth the suffering in the other worlds, and if he held onto her and kept them from returning to their proper state, people would even die.

As selfish as he wanted to be, he could not do that. There was no logical reason to keep her here, and he could not ignore that as much as he wanted to.

Furthermore, if what he suspected was true, he would forget her and be spared that sort of pain. That made it all the more important to give her the information she needed to finally make the choice that should have been made in the first place.

"Are we not going in?" Ikkyu asked with a frown, looking around at the people walking nearby. So far, none of them were female, but that could change and the relative quiet would be gone.

"Kent's thinking," she said. "We can give him a minute to finish his theory."

Ikkyu smiled at her. "You really like him, don't you? To be so patient... That's rare."

"She is quite unique," Kent agreed, not wanting to hear her response to that. "I did not mean to delay us. We can go in."

She went in first, and Ikkyu followed after her, with Kent entering last. He was uncertain of this choice, but he thought it best she see for herself what he meant when he said she had not actually belonged here.

The manager greeted her, and though he did not voice it, his look at her suggested that he might recognize her on some level. Kent was not sure what to make of that man. He showed them to a table, giving them another glance as he left.

Was it Ikkyu causing that reaction? Or something else? Kent wasn't sure if he was being analytical or suspicious.

"I didn't figure you for someone who liked being called 'Master,'" Ikkyu said. "You're really surprising me today, Ken."

"This place has significance to our research. It is not about being called—I do not actually enjoy the theatrics, though the drinks are passable and you with your coffee addiction should find that quite pleasing."

Ikkyu smiled. "You're way too easy to tease right now. I don't even have to try."

"Mock me if you like. You will regret it when it comes to the next problem I give you. Under the circumstances, I feel less inclined to spare you even though I had thought I might hold off until you had at least recovered from your hangover if not the recent upset, but if you are well enough to harass me in such a manner, then I think you should be capable of a few difficult problems."

"A _few?"_ Ikkyu repeated. "Is there no mercy in you at all, Ken?"

Next to Kent, she started giggling, and Ikkyu frowned at her. Kent did as well, since it was unlike her to enjoy someone else's misery. He was not sure why she would react that way.

"Sorry," she said, blushing. "I just... I... um... like watching you two tease each other. Neither of you says it, but... you can see the affection when you do, how much you two like each other, how well you get along, that you're good friends. It's very nice to see."

"An interesting if... erroneous thought," Kent said, since he was not sure that he and Ikkyu were true friends at all. "That is like assuming that arguing is how I show my affection, which has also been falsely claimed in the past."

Ikkyu smiled. "I've actually said it, but now having watched him with you—"

"Ikki?" The sudden appearance of another female at their table was somewhat of a relief in spite of the loud and somewhat high pitch of her voice. "You're here?"

"Mine," Ikkyu said with a forced smile. He seemed unable to offer the usual greetings. "Yes. I'm here with Kent and his friend for 'research.'"

"Research?" Mine repeated with a frown. "Here?"

Ikkyu gave her a real smile then. "Someone is too shy to call it a date."

Kent refused to groan. "It is not a date. This location is a potential nexus. We came to investigate whether or not it was a direct cause or instead being affected by other variables. If so, which variable determines the focus? Is it enough that the location remain constant or must it be the human element? That said, thus far only two members of the human element could be said to be constant, which makes the location more likely and yet if it was location alone, why is the theme—"

"Are you sure this is a date?" Mine asked. She leaned closer to the other girl. "Kind of hard to date a man you can't understand, isn't it? Even if he _is_ cute."

Kent blinked. "Excuse me?"

"Um... I may not understand everything Kent says, but he is doing this research for me, and I... I like when he's thinking about stuff. Well, I mean, he gets quiet sometimes and it's almost scary when he is because he frowns a lot, but he's really smart and knows so much and... he sees things I don't and when I've always rushed in and done the first thing that came to mind... he thinks it through a lot more and... that's all valuable."

"Oh, that's adorable," Mine said. She turned to Ikkyu. "Don't you think maybe you should let them have a little privacy?"

Ikkyu laughed. "Well, maybe, but I'm also worried that if I leave, Kent really will try to pretend it's all research."

"Ikkyu—" Kent began, but he stopped when he felt a tug on his coat. He looked over, seeing her nod toward the manager. "Oh. I do believe that someone disapproves of your conversation choice as much as I do."

Mine frowned, turning and gasping when she saw the manager. "Quick. Let me have your orders."

* * *

"I regret that we learned little from this trip," Kent said, adjusting his glasses again. "It did not answer any questions, though admittedly we were unable to ask many given the added company we had with us when we arrived."

She bit her lip, looking back at the cafe. Ikki had gotten caught by a crowd again as soon as he tried to leave. He had said not to wait, but she wasn't sure Kent would want to in case she got bumped again. "Do you think it's that impossible for Ikki to believe us if we told him about all of this?"

"Ikkyu is not stupid, though most people assume his interests are as shallow as his relationships. He is more dedicated to his studies than they know, and he is one of few people I know who can solve the problems I create. In that sense, he could understand the theories I've created more than most people around us would. In fact, as he has a peculiar and inexplicable condition, he may be more open to the idea of spirits and gods."

"But?"

Kent shook his head. "I... My reasons for being reluctant to share any of it with him are selfish. I do not want to subject myself to the needless ridicule that will come. Ikkyu has already teased me considerably over my feelings—"

"This was about research, though."

Kent sighed. "Yes. It was. I did not have any ulterior motive in agreeing to come to the cafe. It was possible that coming here would cause more of the ties to break or even make it so that you left again, but that was not... my intention."

"It wasn't?" She had almost felt like Kent was trying to push her away since she woke up, like he wanted her to go. He said he didn't, but he kept trying to show her why she should, so he must, right?

"No." Kent frowned. "I hesitate to speak of it, but... It is also possible that were Ikkyu made aware of your relationship in the world where you were close to him and not me, he would feel that he had an equal claim to you."

"Claim?"

Kent nodded. "Not, of course, that the rational part of me believes that there is such a claim to have, but I admit that the idea of losing you to him is intolerable, as would be any suggestion of... 'sharing' you. These thoughts are not rational, though, and I cannot defend them. I... dislike myself for thinking of them, for feeling this way, and yet I do."

"Oh."

"Ikkyu knows me well. He was not mistaken about my feelings. They are, at least for now, quite genuine."

She frowned. "What does that mean?"

Kent turned away. "Again, if I am correct about all the worlds returning to their original state, then you would not have been here and there would have been no one for me to have met and developed romantic inclinations toward. Those feelings will cease to exist. They are, after all, the product of outside interference and a need to bind your essence to this world long enough to permit Ukyo to see you survive the twenty-fifth."

She winced. "Kent..."

"Still, you should not feel concern over my emotions. As I have said, they are... They will fade when the worlds are restored."

"I hate how much this hurts you. No one should have been used like you were. Your feelings... they should be your own, not... forced for me."

"I believe love to be a mere chemical reaction within the brain. This is essential for continuing the species. It also seems somewhat easy to manipulate. It is difficult to comprehend why I'd develop feelings for someone I can have no future with, but then... it also seems the most logical explanation for why something like this would occur now. I was too focused on research, determined to go to London at the end of this month. Having outside interference in such a thing... it explains much to me. It may even be a comfort to have them... gone."

She shook her head. While she knew it was painful, being in love with her, someone who did not even belong to his world, she still believed that Kent deserved to feel love and be loved in return. She believed Ikki deserved to know true love. Shin needed people who saw more than his father's actions. Even Toma. He had so much love to give. If Ukyo had more love and support in his life, would he have been so desperate when he lost her?

She wanted to help _all_ of them, not just one. She wanted to believe she still could in her own world, but if she forgot everything, then how could she? She might have helped Shin in that one, possibly Ikki, but she wasn't close to Kent, and if Toma had feelings for her, that only complicated matters.

She reached for Kent's hand. "You should have love, Kent. All of you should. Not just Ukyo because he got a wish. You because underneath all that logic is a generous heart that should be loved just as much as it does. And the others, too. How can I go back and help Ukyo alone?"

"It is not your place to fix the problems of all the worlds."

"Maybe not, but I don't even know if I'll remember to fix mine. I can't accept that. I care too much about all of you."

Kent started to say something, but he stopped, speaking only one word instead. "Ikkyu."

Ikki's smile wavered. "Am I interrupting something?"

"No."

"Well, then," Ikki said, clearly not believing that. "I think I just got offered a job. I have one lined up for after school, so I don't really need one exactly, but for now, it might not be a bad idea."

"You'd be really good at it," she told him, "and very popular, too."

Ikki smiled at her. "Thanks."

"It would seem your condition might well be an asset in such an occupation, though it could cause problems with other members of the staff," Kent told him. "Additonally, they do say that it is good to keep busy in hard times."

"They do," Ikki agreed. "What about you two? You have more 'research' planned for today?"

Kent shook his head. "I do not know what else I could show her that might be of assistance."

"Oh, Ken. You need to—"

"Ikki!" Several girls shouted his name at once, and Ikki's smile disappeared as soon as he saw them. She tightened her hold on Kent's hand as she recognized them from the fan club. She knew that Ikki knew the truth of them now, but that didn't mean that he wanted to see them. She didn't, but then she couldn't help remembering how they'd shoved her in that boat before it sank.

They scared her.

She didn't know what they might do. They hadn't cared if she lived or died. Would they go so far as to hurt Ikki? Here?

"Go home," Ikki told them coldly. "Didn't Rika tell you? No more fan club."

"But Ikki—"

"No buts. I know what you did. I want nothing to do with any of you. Get out of my sight. Now."


	4. Chapter 4

**Deliberation**

 **Chapter Four**

 **Word Count:** 5,214

 **Rating/Warnings/ Summary:** Same as chapter one

 **Author's Note:** Writing Shin was hard. I don't know that I have good grasp on anyone's characters, to be honest, but it was much easier to attempt Kent, I'll admit, and I wasn't sure how to do Toma, either.

A part of me still thinks I should have found a way to make this the one scene, and another part of me thinks all the guys deserve a bit of a say. Well, mostly. I'm still kind of biased, as much as I've tried to be more balanced and consider all angles. I know it's not completely balanced, since this did rise out of my frustration with the ending in the first place.

Still, as much as I wanted to work through some of those issues, maybe that one scene could have been enough...

* * *

 **Four**

"I can't believe you want to hire that guy," Shin muttered, giving the manager another look. Sure, Mine had made the recommendation, with Sawa backing her up, but even Waka had to know that Mine was just after hot guys. Sawa's help didn't change that. It was all about how good that guy looked, and even if Waka liked how the female customers and staff reacted to him, how could it be worth it?

"Oh, Shin. It's not like he'll take your job," Sawa said. "You're happier in the kitchen anyway, right?"

"Yeah. We'd probably lose customers if you were out there," Mine said. "You're so grumpy, but Ikki... he's so nice. And gorgeous."

"I know," Sawa agreed. "When he looked at me, I could have sworn I was in love."

Shin needed to get away from here. Fast. He grabbed the broom and took it with him. He could get a little air and maybe they'd be done talking about that guy by the time he'd swept the front.

Shin was still grumbling to himself when he reached the top of the stairs. The last thing he needed was someone new who would create even more work for him. Toma had the butler role covered, and the customers liked him. Between him and Mine, they had plenty of regulars. They didn't need anyone else to make a mess of things.

He frowned. What was with this crowd?

Wait, was that the same guy from before? It had to be—look at the girls all around him, trying to hang off him and that tall guy he'd come in with was there, looming over everyone.

"Ikki, you can't mean that. You love us. We love you."

"Love? Is that what you call it? When you conspire to make sure all my girlfriends leave me at the end of three months? How is that love?"

"Even I fail to see the logic in that choice," the big one said. "And I am not someone who understands emotions."

"We were keeping it fair," a girl in a hat insisted. "We just wanted to share you."

Shin shook his head. Unbelievable. Share him? What was so special about this guy? First Mine and Sawa, and now this crowd, all of them obsessed with one guy.

"And if I didn't want to be shared?" the man demanded, shaking his head. "I will date who I please and be friends with who I please. You will never again interfere in my life. Do I make myself clear?"

"It's because of her, isn't it?" one of the noisy ones demanded, pointing at the girl in the cap next to the tall guy. "She's why you turned your back on us. She's not special. She's not even pretty."

"Don't think we can't deal with you because we can," the other girl snapped, stepping closer to threaten the one who'd been in the cafe earlier.

"What are you, stupid?" Shin demanded. They had to be to make such a fuss over someone who was telling them to take a hike, but even more than that, were they blind? "You know she's holding the other guy's hand, right? They're the couple here. Even I know that, and I'm just here to sweep the sidewalk."

"No one cares what you think. You're just a loser that works in a cafe."

"Wait, Taeko, watch what you say to him. He's that one Mine told us about, you know? The one whose dad killed someone. You don't want him killing us, too, do you?"

Shin glared at them. Why was it all anyone ever saw was his father? And who the hell was Mine to tell these other girls about that? She had no right. "You know what, I—"

"It is again a rather vivid display of your idiocy that you would assume such a thing," the tall guy said over what Shin was about to say. "One, you cannot be certain even if he fits the description this Mine gave you that he is in fact the same person. Two, having met the source of such gossip, I do not know how much of it you can give any legitimacy, but allowing that some facts in this matter were indeed true, you again make a poor assumption in believing that simply because someone shares the genetics of a person they will act in the same manner. While there are those who have tried to claim such a thing and documented cases among convicted felons of a gene they believe predisposes people toward violent behavior, they begin first by operating under a bias that negates the entire argument and furthermore, studies have also shown great differences between twins who share identical DNA."

Just about everyone around him blinked. Shin found himself frowning. If he understood right, this stranger had just stood up for him—not that Shin couldn't fight for himself or needed big words and studies to tell them they were dumb.

"Are you calling us stupid?"

"Should I have stated it plainer so you comprehended it easily?" He snorted. "Your lack of reason when it comes to Ikkyu is excessive and dangerous, made all the more so by your rampant ignorance. In other words, you are both stupid _and_ unstable."

"Ikki, you're not really going to let them talk to us like that, are you?" the girls said, pulling on his arm. He frowned, stepping back from them.

"Ken here is a true friend. The only one I have," Ikki said. "And he's not wrong about anything he said. Look at what you were willing to do to her because the three of us ate breakfast together. It doesn't even matter to you that she's Ken's girl. You were also willing to go after this stranger who pointed that out to you. You are dangerous."

"All we want is to be near you, Ikki. If you let us—"

"No. I already told you to leave. I told you that the fan club is disbanded. I don't want to see any of you ever again."

"It would seem even direct declarations do not seem to be enough to convince them," Ken said, still standing protectively close to his girlfriend. "I would consider it wise to report them to the authorities, Ikkyu. Otherwise this could still end in violence."

"I just might," Ikki said and all but one of the girls cried out in protest. "Do you really think Ken's wrong? None of us missed what you just did, and you're making me very angry. If you keep ignoring what I say or you hurt one of my friends—or anyone else—it won't be this guy you have to worry about. I'll take care of you myself."

"Ikki?"

They really were idiots, Shin thought. They weren't listening to a word he was saying, couldn't seem to understand why he was that angry or that he meant every word of his threat. Shin didn't even know the guy and he was sure of it. Ikki reminded him of Waka in a way. He was smiles and polite when he needed to be, but he was also deadly serious.

"I need to clean here," Shin said, figuring that would get them moving if nothing else did.

"We're not leaving until Ikki changes his mind."

Shin snorted. "You really are stupid."

"I'm not changing my mind. You need to leave. I should make you apologize for interfering with his work, but I'll settle for you going," Ikki told them. "Now."

"Ikki—"

"Your moronic behavior continues even now. Do you honestly believe that such displays and lack of respect for his words will change matters? You are only irritating him further. Also, do you not realize that all of us here have cellphones? We can easily call the police. In fact, I would advise Shin here to do just that as an employee of the business upon which you currently trespass."

"It's a public street," Taeko protested. "He can't make us go."

Shin could, if he forced the issue, but he didn't want to fight with a bunch of stupid girls who would likely get the police on their side if it came down to their word against his.

"Then we'll go," Ikki said. He turned and bowed his head. "Shin, I'm very sorry about all of this. Please give my apologies to the rest of the staff as well."

Shin nodded. "Of course."

Ikki looked at the girls. "You had better leave in the opposite direction. If you follow us or I hear you continued to cause trouble for anyone here, I will take action."

He walked over to join his friends, the two men putting the girl in between them protectively. She'd been awful quiet, but that was probably for the best, since those other girls would have gone after her in an instant.

"Ikkyu, I wonder if it might not be advisable to begin the process of filing for restraining orders against all members of your former fan club," Ken said as they started walking. "I will ask my mother about it."

"Ooh, look at the big man now. He's so scared he's calling Mommy."

Ken frowned. Shin almost laughed, but Ikki did first, confusing the morons again.

"Kent's mother is a very prestigious lawyer," Ikki informed them with clear satisfaction. "And I will be speaking to her about this. Trust me on that. Now go."

The girls looked at each other and at Shin and back at Ikki before they finally left. Shin shook his head. It had better not be like this every day if that guy started working here.  
He saw the girl tug on Ken's coat, and he leaned down so she could speak in his ear.

"Our apologies," Ken said, and Shin frowned. Ikki had already apologized. They didn't have to do it twice. "Though I know it is of little consolation after having been caught in the middle of such a display—it was not our intention to disrupt your work or force you to witness such behavior. I fear I can offer little in compensation, though if you are at all in need of someone with mathematics expertise, Ikkyu or I may be of assistance. Ikkyu's focus is economics and accounting whereas I am a graduate student in mathematics. Also... as Ikkyu previously said, my mother is a lawyer and may be available to assist with any legal matters if such a thing were to arise."

Shin wondered if that would be any use to Toma. For himself, of course, he couldn't help thinking of his faltering grades and the need to catch up in prep if he was going to get a scholarship. No, he didn't need help.

"It's not like Ken to make such an offer," Ikkyu said, smiling toward the girl, who blushed and was more obviously the cause than before. "But he's not wrong. Either of us could probably help with math stuff, though when it comes to that, this man's a genius and you should ask him quick before he goes off to London."

"That is yet to be decided, and judging from the current state of my presentation, I hardly think it likely," Ken said. Ikki frowned at him. "I have fallen very behind in my work."

"I'm sorry," she said. "It's my fault, isn't it?"

"I do wish you would stop blaming yourself. You are not to blame for all of this."

"It was for me, even if I didn't do it or intend to change things when I was a part of it. I don't want any more hurt because of me."

"And they won't be," Ken told her. He glanced towards the others. "This is not the place to discuss this. We should go."

"Yeah," Ikki said, though he was frowning at them now, like he was suspicious.

Shin gave the girl another glance, uncertain himself. There was something a bit familiar about her, but he didn't know what it was. Had he met her before? He supposed she could have been the reason they went into the cafe in the first place. He didn't think she was a regular, but then he spent most of his time in the kitchen and she could have come in before when he wasn't working.

He watched them go before turning back to sweep. He had a lot to think about all of a sudden, and he didn't know what to make of any of this.

* * *

Ikki could tell that Ken was preoccupied as they walked back to the university. He had that look on his face, the one where some problem was eating at him enough to where he was barely aware of any of the rest of the world. Even the girl's hand in his didn't seem enough to ground him where he was.

Ikki looked at her again. What was that, earlier? Sure, it made sense that she was why Ken wasn't ready for his presentation and might not even want to go to London at this point, but it was like she'd come out of nowhere. Not that Ikki thought Ken would willingly introduce him to his girlfriend, not if he could seduce her away, but their whole relationship was strange. Calling it research was almost cute when Ken was denying his feelings, but she was aware of them, so why bother trying to hide?

Was it Ikki he was trying to hold off? Why? If Kent really liked this girl, he should hold onto her with all he had. Ikki might tease him a bit more, but he wouldn't go too far. Even the prospect of making Ken jealous was not as appealing now, not when he owed his friend this much.

And yet, something was still wrong here. Ikki could feel it. He even wondered if that Shin guy was aware of it. He seemed pretty level-headed, after all, and there was that thing the girl had done in prompting Kent to make that offer. Did she know Shin? Neither of them said that, but she did seem to feel something since she'd prodded Kent like that.

"Are either of you going to tell me what's going on?" Ikki asked, finally sick of the silence and his own questions. He'd like some answers. "And don't say it's nothing, Ken. I know there's something odd happening. I'm not just joking around about your girlfriend. You have been acting strange, and I thought it was the girl after I met her, but it's not that, is it?"

"It is more complicated than a simple romantic entanglement," Kent answered. "Though if I tell you all of it, I would think you would believe us both crazy."

"I'm used to dealing with crazy," Ikki reminded him. "Or did you not see those girls back there?"

She shuddered and leaned closer to Kent. "Do you think that we did enough? Or did we just make them angry enough to do something dangerous? Ikki doesn't have a girlfriend now, so they won't target her, but they were really mad at you and even at Shin and he didn't do anything."

"I am not worried about myself, though I acknowledge the possibility that they will harm you if they are able despite more than one person mistaking us for a couple. However, you are not in an isolated area with them, did not enter into an agreement you inadvertently neglected, and if you make the obvious choice, none of this will matter."

"But it _should,"_ she said. "What good is changing anything for you or for Ikki or even that offer you made to Shin if it all goes away? You go back to not knowing love. Ikki returns to being a victim of his fan club. Shin thinks all everyone sees is his father and that he will never overcome that man's shadow so he will never even try to do better. And there's Toma who doesn't realize his own dangerous tendencies. Ukyo might not be here, but that doesn't mean he doesn't need help. And I don't even know enough about Sawa or Mine's situation."

Ikki frowned. "Wait a minute—how do you know all them? You were a stranger to Mine earlier. And Shin. And you sound like you know all about my fan club. Who are you? You're not just Ken's girlfriend, are you?"

"I told you. It is much more complicated than that."

"Then explain it to me."

* * *

Crawfish Park—she had not yet learned the true name of this place despite it featuring in more than one world she'd been in, since she'd come here with Shin, Toma, Kent, and Ukyo—was silent in the wake of Kent's final words. She'd let him do most of the explaining. He had a better understanding of what had happened to her than she did, and he was able to make it clear to Ikki in ways that she never could have on her own.

She was still rather hesitant and her words came out rushed or jumbled most of the time.

"Wow," Ikki said, staring at them. "I almost would say Ken is teasing me again, but this is a little much for that. Maybe if he'd just claimed the part about one parallel world, but the whole spirit in your head and the god fulfilling a wish... that's a bit more than I'd think he'd come up with to tease me with. Actually, I never thought I'd hear those words come out of Ken's mouth at all. Wasn't the closest you came to religion the acknowledgment that the probability of certain elements combining to make animals or even plants without some kind of higher design slightly unlikely?"

"Rationally, it is difficult to believe in any sort of higher power as the world naturally gravitates towards chaos. However, it is also undeniable that certain things on this earth defy the odds just by their very existence."

Ikki nodded. "That's what I mean. So you treating the existence of gods and spirits as facts is pretty big to begin with."

"It was admittedly easier to consider the likelihood of parallel worlds than it was to admit to the existence of the other beings, though in some ways, one could simply change the names to make their presence more scientific and less mythical, thereby more acceptable to a rational mind."

"Is that what you did with Orion?" she asked, frowning. "You simply see him as, what, an alien in my head?"

"No. I considered the possibility of using that to understand and cope with his existence, but I rejected it. If I was to believe one part of your story, I must believe it all. And I am not so rational as to believe that only things that are explained by current scientific and technological discoveries are possible. The world—worlds—are infinite, and there is much more to learn about the universe."

Ikki nodded. "That's for sure. Though now that I hear this, I have to wonder if we both interacted with the same misguided god. What if that stupid wish I made was granted by the same one who did all this to fulfil this Ukyo guy's desire to see you survive?"

"I did wonder about that myself," she said, "knowing what I did about the wish you made and that Nhil had that power. Orion told me he was very curious about humans. I wasn't able to talk to Nhil directly, so I didn't get to ask. It was so... sudden, Orion telling me to go, that I'd forget him, and I thought... I wasn't ready to go back."

"And you came here, to Ken." Ikki grimaced. "While I'm jealous you didn't choose me, I understand. I'd have gone to Ken first myself. Well, maybe not if I had a girl I was in love with that loved me back, since that's the kind of wish I'd make now that I'm older and smarter, to have a genuine love, but I know I'd ask Ken for help."

"You exaggerate. After all, is it not clear now that I only knew about your fan club's actions because of what she told me?"

"Maybe, but that doesn't mean you didn't care at all. You told me as soon as you knew and offered to help me prove it. That's still friendship. And maybe you still would have figured it out if you'd been studying my condition more. I did put a stop to most of those experiments you wanted to do, remember?"

"Yes. Still, it was wrong of me to treat you as a science project."

Ikki turned toward her. "You know, if you brought about that change, then yeah... I'm not so sure you should leave, either."

"Ikkyu, she has to. In order to restore all the worlds to their original condition, she would have to return to her world and let everything reset to its rightful position before the interference of this god. It is not for any of us to keep her here regardless of our feelings."

Ikki stared at Kent in disbelief. "Can you really say that so calmly?"

Kent faced away from them, his voice strained when he spoke. "Please stop asking me that. I can't... I refuse to answer. This is how it must be, and even you must be able to see that."

She sighed. She hadn't meant to hurt Kent like this. "Please, Ikki. Don't push him. I know this is painful for him. What I asked of Kent isn't fair. The other worlds, the people I knew in them, they weren't aware of all of this. They still aren't. Not that it would be right to go to one of them knowing that I was supposed to leave, either, but... Kent already knew. Somehow, I thought that was enough. I was wrong. I never meant to put him through all this. I was just... too scared to go back right away. And I'm still not sure it's the right thing to do even though Kent's theories all say it is and that was basically what Nhil and Orion told me and... you believe that, too, don't you, Ikki?"

Ikki grimaced. "Well, it's not that I don't see the reasons why Ken thinks this is the best for everyone. If he's right about the effect this will have, then it's almost the only choice. Setting everything back to zero, as it were, that's only fair, since it's not like anyone else deserved to die in your place, so that should be fixed, but damn it, how am I supposed to tell you to go back to this guy who caused all this and killed you more than once? I admit that my own definition of love is warped, but how can that guy call what he feels for you love? And how is it at all safe to give you over to him? You might not be my true love here, we're basically strangers, but that feels wrong to me. Sacrificing you like that. Ken's trying to be selfless and do it, but it's tearing him up inside, and even if it does fix the other worlds... is it really the right thing to do?"

She didn't understand. "It has to be, doesn't it?"

"Are you asking that in the sense that you think the god should put the other worlds back to rights regardless of her choice?" Kent asked, and Ikki nodded. "I suppose I can see why you think that as well."

"Why is this Ukyo so special that only he gets his happy end?" Ikki asked. "Oh, sure, I know I can't really expect to have a wish granted twice, no matter how foolish my first one was, but when I think about someone who caused so much damage and death getting his way and the rest of us suffering because of it—I get angry. All I can be is angry. There are _infinite_ worlds where I am trapped in this damned cycle of three months and the fan club. It sounds like Shin and Toma play out this rivalry over and over again with disastrous results. Sure, maybe Toma doesn't deserve a happy end any more than Ukyo does, not if he's willing to go that far, and Shin needs to learn how to treat a girl right, but then again, so does Ken."

"Even you could improve in that regard, Ikkyu."

"True." Ikki looked over at her. "I just don't like the idea of sacrificing anyone."

"It... If I love Ukyo, then it's not such a sacrifice. And that world was where I was meant to be all along. I shouldn't feel the need to hesitate."

"Are you sure about that?" Ikki asked. "I think what Ukyo did gives you plenty of reason to hesitate. How do you trust him again after all that? He killed you. That's not so simple or easily forgiven, and someone who expects that of you—they not only have an unrealistic idea of love, but they have no real understanding of human nature."

"You imply it is the god who chooses so foolishly," Kent said. "I am not so certain. Think of the statistics regarding domestic violence. Many abuse victims return willingly to their abuser. Some misguidedly believe that is love but others believe their abusers will change. Both lead to the same outcome."

"Seriously? That's your defense?" Ikki shook his head. "I don't care if that's accurate. It's not right. No one should accept that kind of treatment."

"I never said it was logical. Only that the precedence exists."

* * *

"Well, from Waka's perspective, the effect on business would be a plus," Toma said thoughtfully, and Shin rolled his eyes. Toma's tendency to look for the good in things—and people—could get really annoying sometimes. "If this Ikki draws that kind of a crowd everywhere he goes, then he'd have a lot of regular customers and possibly double or triple the revenue. That would be worth the risk to Waka, I'd think, since he has to consider the money aspect of it. And while you want to say that we don't need more help, the fact is that we're still understaffed. If we had more people, we could even specialize more so you could spend your time in the kitchen where you prefer it. We could run two shifts and stay open longer."

"I guess."

Toma laughed. "You still don't like change, do you?"

"I think I handle it better than you do."

"What, by withdrawing from everyone and becoming more and more antisocial?" Toma shook his head. "That's not a solution, Shin. It's not right that people are still judging you based on your father, but you have overcome so much of that already. And I do think you could get that scholarship if you wanted it. You just have to work a bit harder, and yes, you're running out of time, but it's not too late. Not yet."

Shin grunted. What did Toma know, anyway? It wasn't like he'd shared any of his grades with his step-brother. He didn't want to hear the lecture.

"I can help if you let me," Toma said. "I know I've been busy a lot with my own coursework, but I never meant to leave you hanging. I'll do whatever I can to make sure you get the chance you deserve."

Shin nodded. He knew that Toma would do it, too. He'd find some way of help, even when it wasn't worth helping. He thought again of that guy's offer but chose not to mention it.  
"Wait a minute. Why are we headed for Crawfish Park?"

Toma smiled. "You looked like you could use some cheering up, so I thought I'd take you somewhere special to us. And knowing you, you'd say no if I'd told you I was doing it, so I didn't say anything until you noticed. You mad at me?"

"Yes," Shin said, but Toma just laughed, walking deeper into the park. Shin rolled his eyes as he followed after him. "You're the one that hasn't changed, Toma. You're still playing big brother even when it's not needed."

"You know that's never going to change," Toma said. "Being your brother is a huge part of who I am. I don't think I could ever lose that."

Shin supposed he might be right about that. Toma took that role really seriously, as annoying as it was. Shin didn't need a babysitter, and he could take care of himself. He'd had to grow up fast because of what his dad did and the shame that followed him around, but Toma still saw him as the little brother he needed to protect.

"You can't mean that, Ken. I know you better than to believe you do."

"If you look at it logically, Ikkyu—"

"Logic has got nothing to do with this. This is about how you feel."

Toma let out a low whistle. "Guess this isn't the quiet place I was hoping for tonight. Maybe we should go somewhere else to finish our little discussion."

"You have to be kidding me," Shin said, taking in the trio across the park from them. Toma looked at him. "Yeah, no discussion, but... that's the Ikki guy I told you about. And his friend. They're here."

"Oh, really?" Toma asked, now curious and trying to get a better look at the men arguing across the park. Shin really was ready to leave now. He didn't need to see another fight, even if there was no crowd of girls this time.

"Come on," Shin said. He wasn't about to get close to them again. Once was enough, and Toma didn't need to get in the middle of it, either.

"If you insist on bringing feelings into it, then why do mine have any precedence over yours? Or even those of Shin, Toma, or Ukyo?" Ken asked, and Shin tensed up, hearing not only his name but Toma's, too. The hell was going on here?

"Okay, so I'm jealous. If she stayed here, you get the girl, right? And I might be losing out on my chance at true love, something I never thought I'd have after my condition, but I don't know her here. You say there's another world where I do and I do love her, and a part of me wishes this one was it, but it's not. And if you're going to be so damned logical about it, what about the part where the bad stuff didn't happen to her when she was with you? My fan club didn't hurt her. She didn't fall off a cliff like with Shin, get locked in a cage like with Toma, or get killed by Ukyo. She's safest here, logically, and you're ignoring that along with what you want for the greater good? Since when are you that selfless?"

Toma frowned. Shin thought he actually looked worried. Did he know what they were talking about? A cage? That wasn't right, was it? And if there was a cage—no, Shin didn't know anything about a cliff. That hadn't happened.

"The hell are they talking about?"

"Me."


	5. Chapter 5

**Deliberation**

 **Chapter Five**

 **Word Count:** 5,274

 **Rating/Warnings/ Summary:** Same as chapter one

 **Author's Note:** This chapter was super intimidating to write.

I considered going back and changing how I ended the last one because I wasn't sure I could do what I'd written myself into, and to be honest, I am worried still that it's a mistake, but I think it had to go this way? Or at least it felt like it after all that hesitation and deliberation and all I did.

I had to try it, at least, and try to be balanced and show other perspectives and it took a few rewrites to get it here, but this did seem like the way to go.

* * *

 **Five**

For a moment, Shin thought that they were going to turn around and find the girl standing there, though he shouldn't have. He'd seen her a minute ago, with both guys, but he wouldn't have thought they'd be talking about her—and it had to be her because Ikki was pushing Ken about his feelings which were pretty clear to Shin earlier even if they'd only been around for a few minutes—while she was standing right there. Still, while he couldn't be sure she was with them, he should have known it wasn't her by the voice alone.

He looked the man in front of him over, frowning. Something about him was familiar, too, in that vague sense that all of the others had been a little familiar. That girl made Shin feel the same way, but he swore he didn't know her. This didn't make much sense, but then—Ikki and Ken had been talking like they knew him _and_ Toma. Toma hadn't met either of them. This was weird.

"You?" Shin asked, frowning. "Who the hell are you?"

He regretted it as soon as he said it. He was rude, but most of the time he did speak with some respect toward his seniors. He found adults were more accepting of the truth about his father than most kids were.

"Shin," Toma said. He looked toward the other man. "Excuse my brother. We were just startled. It seemed almost like they were talking about us. And then you spoke—it was—"

"I don't need you apologizing for me," Shin said. He faced the other man. "He's right. I was surprised. It's not an excuse, though."

"I understand. You did not mean to hear me. Nor were you intending to hear them. I suppose this once again is an example of unintended consequences." The man gave them a sort of sad smile. "Please excuse me."

Shin watched him walk away from them, frowning. He hadn't gone over to join the others, instead fading back into the bushes somewhere like he didn't intend to be seen. If that was his goal, why had he said anything to Shin and Toma? He could have—should have—kept silent and left them wondering.

They had two choices—listen more or walk away, but after that guy, Shin was even more suspicious than he had been before, and he wasn't sure he _could_ walk away now, not with so much unknown. Who was that guy? Was he just joking about what he'd said about Ikki and Ken talking about him? And were they talking about Shin and Toma as well?

He wanted answers. He didn't like this. It was bad enough strangers talking about what his father had done, that always seemed to happen, but this was about him, about something he'd supposedly done that hurt someone. He didn't like this.

And what was with the part about Toma and a cage? That couldn't be right, could it?

Shin looked over at Toma, seeing his brother frowning. Toma tended to see the good in people, trusted them too much, but even he seemed to be bothered by that guy's behavior.

"Toma?"

"I think we need to know what's going on."

Shin nodded. He had too many questions now to turn back now. He wasn't about to leave before he had some answers.

* * *

The trouble, Kent thought as soon as Ikkyu posed the question, was that he was not selfless at all. He wanted to do the irrational thing and keep her with him, to damn all other worlds and even his own, and perhaps he was worse than the one they judged in absentia, this Ukyo, for wanting such things himself. Still, Kent was trying, even as his resolve faltered more and more, especially with Ikkyu's words, to do what he knew was right.

If they pushed him much further, either of them, he would not be able to resist the temptation to hold fast to what had never been his in the first place. Even now, he wished he'd lied to her, told her things that would make her stay instead of leave, guided her to accept this world and make peace with being here forever, to ask that maybe she could love him more than any of the others.

He would eventually hate himself for the lie, he knew that, but that part of him existed and wanted what they'd shared so much that he would have been tempted to do it. He could have, he knew, since it wouldn't have taken much to convince her that there was no way to a parallel world. She'd chosen his, and she had to stay here. With him.

Only he knew that wasn't the right choice, not according to logic—he would never be the right choice in anyone's mind—and he'd tried to be honest about that. He had even thought that his typical insensitivity would be enough to sway the issue, but no one seemed willing to accept that.

"I agree that it seems as though she would be safer here," Kent said. "I do not know if that is completely true—there is no way for us to be certain that any of the events would replay themselves as she experienced in those other worlds. She may be just as safe with you or Shin or even Toma if she chose one of them. And if it was only this split personality created by the suffering he experienced that harmed her, then Ukyo as well is safe."

"Yeah, but you don't really believe that, do you?" Ikkyu asked. "My fan club is still dangerous even if I know what they're up to, Toma has some real issues if he cages what he loves—though some people are into that, who are we to judge?—and while it wasn't that Shin himself hurt her, he did push her in a way that led to her getting hurt, right? So he's not entirely safe, either. And who knows if that other side of Ukyo would surface or not? We can't know if he will remember or not, and if he couldn't keep that psycho in check before, what guarantee is there he'd do it now?"

None, Kent supposed. "It would depend on how far the tabula rasa went. If the reset meant that her memories and his were gone, the likelihood of the second personality emerging is lessened, if not extinguished completely. In which case, there is no need at all to worry about her in the other world, so this conversation is pointless."

"Pointless?" Ikkyu demanded. "How can you even say that? It's like you feel nothing at all."

"I keep telling you that this isn't about what I want. It never has been," Kent said, frustration getting the better of him. If Ikkyu did not stop, Kent would say or do something rather rash and possibly violent. "Quit trying to make it that. I can't—I've told you that I understand your point and that I agree with most of your argument, but I don't see any advantage in belaboring this. If my theory is correct, none of it matters, so why do you insist on addressing my feelings? So what if it's love? That's nothing more than a chemical reaction in the brain anyway."

"Kent," she whispered, lowering her head, and he flinched, hating himself for hurting her, even if it might be the right thing to do in order to end all of this.

"You know, it's not really our place to say, but I'm pretty sure even Shin thinks that you're treating her pretty badly. It's not right to make the girl you claim to love cry."

Her head jerked up again, and she blinked in confusion. "Toma?"

"Okay, that's just weird. How do you know us? I mean, me you sort of met earlier, but Toma? He's a stranger to you. Only you've been talking about both of us like you know us," Shin said. "You don't, though. There was never any cliff or anything like that."

"I suppose it is regrettable you heard what you did out of context," Kent said. "Though even in context it would likely be confusing."

"What are you talking about?"

"Are you at all familiar with the concept of a multiverse? Or even parallel universes on their own? This would help a great deal to begin with," Kent told them, though he admittedly did not want to explain this. "Most of our discussion was theoretical, of course, and no proof exists—arguably, no proof _can_ exist, which leads some to suggest that the idea of a multiverse is actually a philosophical idea instead of a scientific one, however—"

"Ken," Ikkyu said. "Don't get sidetracked now. They're not interested in all the theories. Even I didn't want them, and I know both how you work and half of what you were going to say anyway."

Kent nodded. "Of course. I was merely trying to establish a knowledge base, wanting to know what they were familiar with."

"And maybe scare us off with some big terminology and confusing science talk?" Toma suggested. "Because it might have worked, if we weren't pretty sure that against all reason you were actually talking about the two of us."

In a manner of speaking, yes, they had been, but Kent did not exactly want to say that. "I told you we were dealing with a theoretical mutltiverse situation. It supposes that many universes exist including our own, and within them are infinite variations, some possibly created by a single choice. Some would state it that way, at least, that each universe branches from every choice you make."

Shin rubbed his neck. "And those choices involve us... how?"

"Technically speaking, they don't."

Ikkyu winced. "Ken, don't make it more complicated than it already is. Just tell them. Even if they don't believe us, it's not going to hurt anything, and it'll save everyone a lot of time."

Kent sighed. He did not want to have this discussion again. He was not certain he could maintain his composure for it. "If you insist on telling them, perhaps you should do the talking."

* * *

Toma listened to Ikki's story with growing disbelief. This sounded more like something from one of his video games than reality, even if both of the other men managed to be confident and knowledgeable about the subject. Kent, in particular, seemed to know a lot about anything he chose to add to Ikki's narrative, but Ikki himself was far from what Toma had pictured when Shin talked about him. A big flirt with nothing in his head was what Ikki sounded like at first glance, but the guy had a grasp of these concepts that not only surprised Toma, but made him a bit jealous.

He got a little lost now and then, and Shin did, too, from the angry look he got every now and then, that annoyed face he made when he didn't understand anything. It said a lot that he was showing that much, Toma knew, since Shin had a really good poker face.

Then again, he might be the only one who was really aware of the emotions Shin let slip. Few people could see past either of them, and Toma was probably the only person who knew Shin well, despite his brother's attempts to distance himself from Toma as he got older.

Still, all this about parallel universes worried him. As did his own behavior in them. He couldn't deny that he would do anything for those he loved, and he sometimes wanted to protect Shin in ways he hated—locking someone away to protect them almost seemed reasonable when he considered just how stubborn a few of them could be, but he hadn't actually _done_ that, so it was okay.

Mostly.

"Understandably, if you object to any of these events or even the existence of the universes as we have presented them to you, you are free to do so," Ken said after Ikki had finished. "We cannot offer any proof, aside from the truth of Ikkyu's fan club's actions in this universe as well as the others, which is not much."

Toma nodded. He knew that a part of him would like to deny it. None of that was real, so he didn't have to worry about what he might do. That other him, that wasn't him, right?

Not that he didn't get the sense that he was being judged, at least a little, based on what that other him had done. All of them seemed a lot more understanding about Shin spooking his girlfriend off a cliff over what the other Toma had done to his, locking her in a cage, even if he'd done it to protect her.

Shin eyed the girl. She bit her lip and moved closer to Ken.

"Do we scare you that much?"

She shook her head. "No, I... It's not that. It's... I thought... I didn't want to hurt any of you, and I don't... you aren't those other versions of you, but then... you're similar in some ways, and it's difficult. We were close in every world, but you don't know me. I know how Ukyo felt now."

"Except you're not going to go crazy and start killing us because of it, right?" Ikki asked, and she flushed red as he teased her.

Toma frowned. "I think we don't know what we'll do until we're in that situation. None of us can call ourselves blameless, not from what I heard. And I know I've probably got more of it than anyone but this Ukyo guy, but still, we all have our faults."

"It becomes a philosophical argument about redemption at some point," Ken agreed. "And that is not one I feel qualified to have, nor do I wish to. Ideally, we will all forget this conversation ever took place, and that will be the end of it."

"Maybe some of us shouldn't forget," Shin said, giving Toma a glance. Toma frowned at him. "I didn't just mean you. I don't want to be responsible for hurting anyone, even by accident. What my father did was an accident, too, or did you forget that?"

"It does not mean you are fated to repeat the actions of your father," Ken told him. "Even if there are similarities in the basic circumstances, the overall situation is very different. Not that you should wish to harm anyone, and it does seem like you may have been overly forward in your behavior toward her, but that is not the same as a drunken fight that ended in someone's death."

"It's easier for you," Ikki said. "You were an overly rational, rude and insensitive guy, but you didn't get anyone hurt. Even if it was my fan club, in a way I am responsible for that."

"I am not trying to dismiss anyone's concerns," Ken said with a frown. "I merely meant that such fears may be unnecessary as these events are not set."

"But the behaviors that led to them are still in us, right?" Shin asked. "That's what has her concerned, why she didn't want to just walk away from the other versions of us and why you didn't want to send her back to that other guy."

"That is correct."

She looked around at them. "I'm sorry. It must sound like I don't trust any of you."

"I don't think it's that," Toma said. "Sounds to me more like you care enough about us to worry. You want to save us from ourselves. I think I can relate to that."

Shin gave him another look. Toma shrugged. He wasn't going to lie. He understood wanting to help and worrying over people—it was the big brother in him that couldn't let go.

"Still, it looks like you made the right choice after all," Ikki said, and she turned to him with confusion all over her face. "I kind of said it before, because you chose Ken and his big brain, but because you did... you not only got to hear what he thought but now you've spoken to all of us. Maybe not the versions you knew and dated, but you know where we stand. That helps, doesn't it?"

"Only she hasn't heard from everyone," Ken said. "Ukyo is not present."

"True," Ikki agreed. "Though if your theory is correct, there is a version of him around here somewhere. We'd just have to find him and get his input if she wanted it. She'd know how all of us felt, more or less, without ever leaving this world."

"I don't know how we'd find Ukyo," she said. "He seemed to travel a lot, didn't have a home. I found him sleeping outside. Though... he did call me, so he had a phone."

"Did any of our numbers stay the same across these universes?" Toma asked, now curious. "It would be interesting if they were, though I suppose you'd say the odds were against it."

"Yeah, but who even remembers numbers anymore?" Shin asked. "Most people just put them in their phone and forget all about it unless someone changes their number."

"He's got a point. I don't even think I know Ken's number," Ikki said, taking out his phone. He checked it and smiled in amusement. "No, I didn't, though I'm sure you approve of it being a prime number."

"I do," Kent said, "though most times I admit I forget that as well."

Shin rubbed his head, and Toma wanted to laugh. Little brother was not amused by the math nerds. "None of that matters."

"True." Ken looked over at the girl. "Are you determined now to find Ukyo before you take any further steps?"

"Is it worth checking to see what's on her phone?" Toma asked. "If she has numbers for any of us that match up, then she might have a valid one for Ukyo."

"Or she'll call a random stranger," Shin muttered, shaking his head.

"It might be worth it," Toma said. "If she can make the call, we might even hear it ring here."

Ikki frowned at them. "You two know Ukyo? You saw him here in the park today?"

Toma looked at Shin. Shin shrugged. Toma shook his head at his brother's stubbornness, but he supposed he could be the one to answer. "No, we don't know him, but there was someone earlier that could have been him."

She swallowed, eyes wide. "Really?"

Toma nodded. "We heard part of your conversation. You already know that, but we weren't the only ones that did. Someone else did, and he even said you were talking about him before walking away."

"Is he still here?" Ikki asked, looking around them. "Why didn't you mention him sooner?"

Shin snorted. "He could have been anyone. Just because he said it was about him didn't mean it wasn't a joke or he was sane. He was weird."

"He seemed harmless enough," Toma said, thinking back to their encounter with the stranger. "I didn't think much of it, though Shin was pretty rude."

"Yeah, but _you_ seem harmless," Shin countered, and Toma glared at him. He felt like showing him just how dangerous he could be right now, though that was what Shin wanted.

"Actually, I believe them both to be mistaken about the identity of our additional audience," Ken said. Everyone turned back to frown at him. Had he known someone else was listening the entire time? Why hadn't _he_ said anything? "Or am I incorrect in surmising that Nhil is present?"

* * *

"No, you are not incorrect," came the answer from what looked like Ukyo, and she frowned to hear it. He smiled, and it was very strange to see. Everything about him looked like Ukyo, and she wanted to say he was lying. How could he be Nhil? Orion had never spoken through her. She'd written down what he said for Kent, but he had never spoken using her voice, even when their senses were connected.

"I did not think so," Kent said, arms folded over his chest. "After all, Ukyo would lack the ability to pass between worlds on his own, and even if he did not, how would he know where to find us at this particular moment? Even assuming my theory about him existing in this world where she did not was correct, he would lack awareness of any of us or locations familiar to our group, and him showing up here of his own device would be extremely unlikely."

"I did not think anyone would recognize my presence," Nhil said through Ukyo. "It would seem her faith in you is not misplaced. It is as Orion said. You really are quite intelligent."

Kent regarded the other man—the god—rather coldly. His arms still crossed over his chest, his glare reminded her of how she'd found him intimidating when she hadn't realized he was thinking. This time, though, he was not lost in thought. He was angry, not just irritated or prideful and ready for a fight. She hoped he didn't do anything he'd regret.

"I fear I cannot say I share the sentiment."

"And I have to agree with Ken," Ikki said, and now she was a bit worried about his anger, too. Who knew what he'd do if he believed that Nhil had been the one who granted him this terrible wish? "I suppose I should be more forgiving—it's not like I knew what I was asking for or how much trouble it would be when I got it, but I would have hoped a god would know better."

"Perhaps I should have," Nhil said, "but I have found I have much to learn about humans. As much as they fascinate me, I only barely begun to understand them. I can grant their wishes, and I have, as I want to, but I had never really seen the consequences of my gifts until I joined with Ukyo and tried to fulfill his wish."

She swallowed. "But if you came here through Ukyo... does that mean it wasn't granted after all? That what happened in the clock tower wasn't enough?"

Nhil shook his head, using Ukyo's sad smile again. "No, it was enough. My power was restored, and I was ready to return you to your world."

She winced, unable to look at Kent. "I made the wrong choice, didn't I?"

He shook his head. "Orion had faith you'd make the right one, and you did. Once again, I failed to consider all the consequences of my actions. I believed that all you needed was a way to return to your home, and I did not understand the depth of your kindness, how you needed to be sure that everyone was safe and even loved. You were worried over all your friends and potential lovers, not just one, and those that might have suffered in your place."

She bit her lip. She didn't know that she was that good of a person. She could be too indecisive, relying too much on others to make decisions for her. She didn't always say what she should, and she could have done more to save herself and others before now.

"I don't understand."

"If I were to theorize at this juncture, I would say that you returning to your own world has been complicated by your current desires," Kent said, and she looked at him, still confused. "Nhil's power works by granting wishes. You wanted—wished for, I should say—something more than a mere return to your old world. You needed to be sure that you were doing right by everyone involved, and that complicated matters enough to where Nhil had to come to you in person if he was to have any hope of granting this wish."

"You mean... I'm keeping everyone from their lives right now?"

"In a sense. You delayed your return to make sure you did the best thing for everyone, but in so doing—"

"That holding pattern," she said. "I created it, not you or anyone else. It's because I didn't go back, just like you said, Kent." She winced. "I don't even know what I want, so how can Nhil? All I've done is made it worse again."

Ikki put a hand on her shoulder. "I don't believe that. You freed me from that three month cycle, remember? You and Ken. You helped me, and you also prodded Ken toward helping others. The offer of tutoring still stands, Shin, but again, Ken's the genius so get him to do it."

Toma looked at Shin. "You refused tutoring? I thought you were having trouble with prepping for your exams."

"I never said that."

"But you are."

"Shut up, Toma. No one asked you."

She wanted to smile a little at their bickering, but couldn't. She turned back to Nhil. "I'm sorry I made you come here to fix this."

"Neither of us blame you or are in any way upset by your choice," Nhil told her. He smiled when she frowned. "I am speaking of Ukyo, too, who graciously agreed to host me again while I was here. He wanted so much for you to live. He wants you to be happy."

"Um, shouldn't we hear that from Ukyo himself?" Shin asked, still sounding suspicious.

"I concur. We have all had our chance to have somewhat of a say, all but Ukyo," Kent said. "If we have advised her on this matter, so should he, and it should not come in the form of you speaking for him any more than one would trust him speaking solely for you. As much as I have disagreed with his choices, I am not... entirely unsympathetic toward him."

Ukyo's expression shifted ever so slightly, as did his posture. "I did not feel I deserved a say, not after what I did."

"Ukyo," she whispered, pained. She knew he would always feel guilty for killing her, even if Nhil could change some of those deaths. At least... she hoped he could.

"I think most of us would agree with that," Shin told him, "but then I'd be like everyone who only saw what my dad did, not the rest of who he was or how it changed him."

Toma nodded. "Yes, and I hear you're not alone in going to extremes. If I have any hope of forgiveness, then who am I to deny it to you?"

Ikki shrugged. "We all do things we regret. I don't even know that I can make up for the choices that led to what happened with my fan club. I can't blame it all on the wish—some of that I did myself, not even bothering to try to break the cycle, not caring how those women felt because it was real to them even if I knew it wasn't real. They believed they were in love. I never was. I did what I thought I had to because of my condition, but that doesn't make it right. Then again, I also never killed anyone."

"I don't think we should start an argument over which of us has the least... sin, as it were," Kent said. "That is not the important thing now. What matters is finding the path that does fulfill her wish, as complex as it is, the one where we all benefit in some measure. I admit, I do not know how that would be possible, as the worlds must have some kind of reset to undo the harm done to the girls who died or were injured..."

He started to pace again, thinking, and she smiled as she saw him, even as tears pricked at her eyes. He might be right in that there was no way to do what she wanted. Maybe it was impossible. Maybe she had to make another choice, but how?

She cared about all of them. She didn't want anyone dead or anyone hurt. She wanted them to know love, but she couldn't be the girl for all of them, and she wasn't even sure who she loved most now, not with all these memories and the conflict in her head.

And... she still missed Orion.

Nhil had come, with Ukyo, but not Orion. She still had to say goodbye to him, to forget him. That didn't feel right, either.

What was she going to do? If she could figure out where she belonged, if she knew how to make things better for everyone—she knew perfect was impossible, but somehow there had to be some way of improving things even a little for each of them. The girls who died, they deserved to live, and the guys deserved to be happy. Ukyo and Toma should have their chances at redemption. Ikki should have his freedom. Shin should be seen for himself, not just his father's mistakes. And Kent needed a life beyond logic, where he could share the love she knew he was capable of feeling and didn't have a need to hide it behind the excuse of chemicals or procreation.

She flushed, realizing she was making that complicated again. She'd been trying to find something simpler for each of the guys so she could make her wish more feasible and fix things for everyone, but she still didn't know how.

Kent stopped and looked back at Nhil. "I was mistaken. There was one other voice we have not heard from, even if we never knowingly heard it before."

"You mean Orion," Nhil said. "You believe he should be here."

She looked over at Kent, tempted to cry again at his thoughtfulness, and back at Nhil. "Yes."

Nhil nodded. "I suppose you did get quite close to him when he was in your mind."

"It would, I think, be impossible for it to be otherwise," Kent said. "He was her only constant companion when things were confusing and frightening, and he did his best to guide her through what was happening even though he was unsure of it himself. He was... enthusiastic, as well, at least in our conversation."

"You spoke to the spirit in her head?" Shin asked, frowning in disbelief.

"You spoke to the spirit in his head," Toma pointed out, looking at Ukyo and Nhil. Shin only glared at him in response.

"It is a bit hard to believe that you would do that," Ikki told Kent, "but then you would try to understand this any way you could, so you would try and communicate as directly as possible with the person you thought had the answers."

Kent nodded. "Precisely. Though he was admittedly lacking in most answers and I insulted his intelligence."

"But you also apologized and tried to be kinder," she said, thinking back on that part with a sad smile. It had been kind of nice to have the three of them talking, even if only she could hear Orion. Kent had been surprisingly understanding, and Orion was so happy to talk to someone else. They'd all been disappointed when their talk was cut short.

And then she'd gone to another world and another and really needed Orion in both of them. She wished she been able to tell him more of how much it mattered to her, and she still didn't want to give up her memories of him.

"You weren't supposed to miss me so much."

She turned and looked to the side, seeing a familiar figure, blurred a bit by tears. "Orion."


	6. Chapter 6

**Deliberation**

 **Chapter Six**

 **Word Count:** 3,030

 **Rating/Warnings/ Summary:** Same as chapter one

 **Author's Note:** Um... so this wasn't the plan, not at first, but I think it worked out to do it this way.

I was trying to make it so everyone got a bit of a say, though I know it's still not balanced in that way. Still, I'd like to think that this time it was given proper consideration, and I think that there should have been a much better chance to say goodbye to Orion no matter what universe and it's not right she had to forget him.

And also... if I am being balanced, is it better to end it here and do what the anime did where people can pick which door she went through?

* * *

 **Six**

She rushed over, wanting to hug him, but once again, she couldn't. Orion was a spirit, and she couldn't touch him, even as much as she'd missed him. It had only been a day, but the idea of losing him forever, not even being able to keep her memories of him, that had driven her here, to the one place where Orion would still exist, or so she'd hoped. She'd wanted Kent's memories to keep Orion with them, and now she thought she understood her hesitation even in the face of all Kent's theories and what seemed like the only right thing to do.

"You were a part of me," she told Orion. "I... You were. You were a part of me, the only part of me that I was able to keep through everything that happened, as confused as I was. Even when you couldn't show yourself to me, I still hoped you were there and took comfort in believing you were and you'd come for me when you could."

"I still feel like I let you down. I wasn't able to do much for you, couldn't stop you from being hurt, couldn't even show myself when you really needed me."

"As you were linked to her mind, occupying the place of her memories, and by your own nature in capable of interacting with things in this plane of existence, I do not know why you're berating yourself," Kent observed. "It was no fault of your own that you were unable to assist her in that manner."

Orion's eyes widened, and he turned to look at Kent. Then he looked back at her. "Oh! Part of your wish must have been that Kent could see me, too."

She looked over at Kent, blushing a bit to remember that she'd thought that several times, not just when they were talking but even after she got back and was counting on him to have the memories of Orion that she was about to lose.

"Oh, but this is a bit embarrassing!" Orion said, eying Kent. "I never thought you'd actually _see_ me. I mean, I was glad to see her again, because I missed her as much as she missed me, and I kind of wanted to stay, but I figured eventually I'd get to visit her again, even if she didn't notice me, though she thought she'd know and that was going to have to be enough, but you're not just talking to me through her. You're talking to me. I'm so excited and yet..."

Kent frowned, apparently afraid he'd done something wrong, even though he hadn't. "Yet...?"

Orion turned to her. "What do I do?"

She couldn't help laughing. Most of the time, she was the one asking Orion what to do, not the other way around. "I think all you have to do is be yourself. In a way, that was what you were trying to get me to do all along."

"Well, yeah, sort of, because we were trying to get your memories back without anyone suspecting you," Orion said. He smiled. "I'm so glad I was able to appear to you again. And that Kent can see me. That's amazing. That's really never happened before. You were the only one, but now there's two, and it's Kent who listened to us and tried to help. And now you know what I look like and not from a really bad drawing. I'm better than the drawing, right?"

She flushed, thinking of her poor skills in that regard. She'd done a terrible sketch for Kent. It barely looked like Orion.

"Yes, seeing you in person has much improved over that image."

Orion smiled happily, bouncing a bit with how pleased he was. His childlike enjoyment of things like this was really endearing, she thought. "I wish I could have done this last time."

"I had hoped myself to speak to you longer," Kent agreed. "Though I should probably have remained silent for longer and not interrupted your reunion."

"Oh, no," Orion said. "As good as it is to be here with her again, I can't tell you how great this is for me to talk to you directly. We learned so much when we were with you. I mean, yeah, it was awkward, and you were a bit scary and hard to figure out sometimes, but you really cared and did your best to help us understand what was happening to her. That was really important. We both needed it, even if it didn't all come together until we were back in the other world and I realized Nhil was helping Ukyo."

"Then you had no idea you were a part of his greater plan, then."

"You thought I kept that from her?"

Kent studied him for long enough to get Orion to fidget where he hovered. "I considered the possibility after what she told me and after I'd developed another hypothesis about how Nhil arranged to fulfill Ukyo's wish by transferring only her core essence between worlds, not the woman herself."

"What?"

"Ah," Kent said. "How should I put this? You would have been necessary if I am right about Nhil needing to use a world where Ukyo existed so that he would not die before the twenty-fifth. If only her core essence shifted, then she needed the 'amnesia' you caused not to realize she was in the wrong world. She needed to believe she belonged, even if she did not. The problem came when Nhil lost control of his powers and she shifted out of control, becoming aware of those shifts in a way she should never have been if things had gone according to plan the first time."

"Oh." Orion winced. "I think some of my own memories were confused, too. I hadn't realized I was looking for her to watch over her when we merged. That was an accident. I swear."

"It was necessary, whether it was intentional or not. She would not have survived without you. We are all grateful to you for that."

Orion smiled. "Thank you, Kent."

She smiled, too, her heart warmed by the moment. This was more than she'd expected, even if she'd hoped for it. She wanted them to have this chance to speak, but to see them getting along so well, that was wonderful.

She swallowed. She hadn't asked for this for anyone else, though, had she? That was hardly fair, and now—well, it wasn't like she could ask for more now, could she? She'd already caused enough trouble. First because she died, causing Ukyo to go to the lengths he did and suffer so much that he completely changed into a killer, and now because she hadn't let go and kept wanting to do more because every thing she thought about led her to something else that she wanted to fix, someone else she felt needed help, something that she hadn't thought of before, and her wishes became more confused and complex.

"I suppose you can't stay," she said, and Orion nodded sadly. "I knew that already, but I didn't think—I didn't have much time to say goodbye and I was going to forget you forever. I wasn't ready for that. I couldn't do it easily. I... I broke everything trying to hold on."

"That seems a common theme," Kent observed, and she had to nod to that. She had just thought it herself—her own actions weren't that far from Ukyo's, and from what Kent said, his refusal to let go of his memories of her was also similar.

"Yes," she agreed, feeling tempted to take his hand again. She looked at Orion. "How long do we have this time? And... I still have to forget, don't I?"

Orion frowned. "I don't actually know. I'd like to think you wouldn't, but..."

"It would seem to me it makes little sense for her to forget unless everyone else's memories are going to change as well. If, for instance, she returns to Ukyo and he simply... forgets what he did when he lost her, and she forgets it as well—"

"That's not right," she protested. "It can't be like that. Ukyo has to learn from it. So do I. Otherwise all of that suffering is for nothing. And if I don't remember Orion but I remember what Ukyo did—that doesn't make any sense."

"It was my supposition that everyone would forget all these events as they were being reset, as only that would be equal and fair, but you raise a valid point. For no consequences to be felt for the actions that Ukyo—or any of us—took, is unrealistic and impractical. We must learn from our poor choices. We must endure the ends of mistakes we made. I could go into greater detail into the concept of survival of the fittest—"

"Um, that's okay," Orion said. "I think I understand."

She tried not to laugh. Orion hadn't thought much of Kent's thoughts on math, and she admitted she'd been confused by them, but she loved his enthusiasm for his subject when he was talking about something he liked.

"Very well. I should let you continue your conversation. I was simply startled to realize that I was also able to see and hear you, and I reacted accordingly."

Orion smiled, but then he frowned. "Wait, does that mean you're the only one out of the rest of them that can see me?"

"I imagine everyone else thinks Kent and I are acting very weird right now," she said. She sighed. "I guess I made this part of the wish before everyone was here? I only thought of Kent being able to see you, not the others."

"Perhaps. Or the others are still in a state of shock over what they are seeing and have simply said nothing. It is curious, though, that we have not even heard them asking us what we're doing," Kent observed. "If we were only speaking in our heads, it makes sense they would not react to what we say, but for them not to say anything at all is odd."

She frowned. "You think it's possible they don't know that Orion's even here?"

"Perhaps. The silence and fact that only the three of us are speaking suggests that we are somehow isolated, but it is not proof."

"I didn't think we were talking in the space in between worlds again," Orion said, frowning. "Normally that looks a lot different than this."

Kent considered that. "From what was said before, Nhil has the ability to alter people's perception of time, yes?"

"He does. That's what he did and why it was so cold because it wasn't really August but much later," Orion answered. "Oh, you think he has altered the sense of time again?"

"It could be that. We're experiencing time at what seems like a normal rate for us, but when we finish this conversation, very little if any time will have passed for the others around us."

"That would make sense. You're very smart," Orion told him. "I'm glad you're here to figure things like this out."

"It has been a fascinating episode, the kind of research opportunity that few people, if any, would ever have," Kent said. "In some ways, it makes up for the emotional discomfort of the overall experience."

"Oh," Orion said. "That's right. You looked very sad when we spoke to you, when you thought she wasn't really the woman you loved."

Kent reddened and looked away. "I think we should probably—or at least I should—leave and let you finish your conversation alone. I do believe this is the last piece she needs to make her decision. She needed to see you again, though I am... pleased she thought enough of me to ask for this, for me to be able to see you as well."

"I'm glad we were able to talk," Orion said. He frowned. "And a bit sad you'd leave right away, but I guess... you have to?"

"I think it best," Kent said. "That way you two can finish your discussion and she can make the choice she needs to make."

"Okay," Orion said. "If you're sure."

Kent nodded and moved away from them, leaving them alone together.

* * *

"Kent sure is thoughtful. I wouldn't have expected it of him at first," Orion said. "He's so big and stoney-faced and even rude."

She nodded. She'd thought the same about Kent herself, before she knew him better, and he acknowledged it, too, that he was difficult to get along with and insensitive. He had learned, though, and made a real effort, keeping that promise about the festival and doing his best to show her in other ways that if nothing else he was committed. He'd been very kind after she came back here, helping her as much as he had.

"You're going to miss him, aren't you?"

She nodded again. "I'll miss all of them, I think, even if they'll still be in the world I choose. I know that they were all my friends and coworkers when I knew Ukyo, but that isn't the same. I care about all of them, and I can't just exchange the one from any other world to take their place."

"Of course not," Orion agreed. "They're the same, but they're still different."

She looked away. "I've hurt so many people. What Ukyo did, what I did... I didn't mean to make it more complicated, but I have. I just wanted to be sure that this time I did the right thing."

"I don't think you didn't before," Orion said. "What happened wasn't your choice, and we did our best with what we knew, but our circumstances were limited. I was giving you the best advice I had, but I wasn't always there, and sometimes I pushed you toward the wrong thing. I couldn't stop what happened, and I even got too focused on getting your memories back at times. Not that you didn't need them, but I made you take some risks you probably shouldn't have."

"You still saved me. And it was very confusing to be on my own," she said. "I needed your help."

"I know," Orion said. He smiled at her. "I just wish I was more, you know? And I wish I could stay with you longer. I learned so much when I was with you."

"Me, too," she said, still wanting to touch him, hug him. "I'm glad we had a real chance for a goodbye this time. Last time was too rushed, especially when I knew I was going to forget you."

"I know. I didn't want it to be like that, either, but I knew you'd be okay on your own, and I was glad of that," Orion told her. "I still didn't expect this, though."

"I'm sorry I dragged you back and put everyone through this. I just... needed time to make the right choice."

"Yes, and Nhil and I know now that rushing you that way wasn't right," Orion agreed. "What you said was true. You need to be able to remember. It matters not just to you but all you encountered along your way, not just Ukyo. You learned important lessons, but so did they, and we were taking that away from some of them by allowing them to forget."

"So it would have reset like Kent thought?"

"To some degree, yes," Orion said. "Nhil can't bring anyone back from the dead, that's why Ukyo's wish was so complicated to grant, but killing others in your place wasn't a part of that, either, and to set it right, some worlds would have to repeat August like it never happened again, just as you experienced."

"They'll be alive, though, right? The other girls or versions of me? I'm not picking a world and condemning them to death, am I?"

"No," Orion assured her. "When you make your choice, especially as it is now a part of a wish that Nhil is granting, it's going to be about more than just putting you back where you came from. It's about putting everything back where it belongs."

"Okay," she agreed, feeling better about this now. "I'm glad. I didn't want anyone else hurt."

"No, and we didn't either," Orion said. "Nhil didn't understand just what would happen when Ukyo traveled to those other worlds. It seemed simple at first. All he had to do was watch you survive, but when the worlds tried to eliminate him, things got complicated and it kept failing. Now we know better, though I don't know that Nhil would ever grant that kind of wish again, even with how great Ukyo's suffering was."

"That's good, I think. Not because I want Nhil to ignore someone whose hurting, but I think... Kent may be right in that... sometimes you have to think of more than one person. It's not just Ukyo's life that changed by his choices or even mine. So many others did, and all that pain and damage because of me... It wasn't right."

Orion sighed. "You're right. Sometimes I think when you want to fix something, you end up making it worse."

"I know I did, here, thinking the way I did. I was pretty selfish, and I didn't think through what I was asking of Kent. I just wanted more time... and to keep my memories, but if that was all—I should have turned around and demanded you stay or something instead of doing this."

Orion smiled at her. "I'm glad you want to share more with me. I will still miss you, and a part of me would like to stay, but I know I can't."

She sighed. "I know. At least this time I should get to remember you. That's better than forgetting and never knowing you at all."

Orion nodded. "Yes. And maybe you're right and you'll sense me if I'm nearby."

"Yeah."

He looked at her. "Does that mean you're ready? You've decided what you want to do?"

She nodded. "Yes. I know what to do now. I've made my decision."


	7. Biased Ending

**Deliberation**

 **Biased Ending**

 **Word Count:** 1,542

 **Rating/Warnings/ Summary:** Same as chapter one

 **Author's Note:** So... I kind of wanted something like this all along. I tried to keep things fair, but I'm sure I didn't.

I know it would be more fair to do endings for all the guys, but I'm not sure I could write them. Maybe Ikki's? Not sure. I guess if people were really interested in that, they could ask.

Anyway, this is very much Kent/Heroine, so if that's not your preference... just keep the other ending and imagine the pairing you prefer.

* * *

 **Biased Ending**

The door to Kent's office opened, but he didn't look up. He'd put himself to work on his presentation, intending to focus on it alone until the memories were completely faded. He knew that they would go soon enough, as she'd told them all she'd made a decision and then asked for some more time alone with Orion before it happened.

He could not blame her for that. Her truest friend and ally in the situation had been Orion, and Kent found that he, too, felt some sort of... affection for the spirit. Not so strong as hers, and he'd likely offend either one of them if he admitted that it was sort of as one might view a pet.

He would not say that to anyone, though, so it was of little consequence.

"I thought you were working, Ikkyu. You said you wanted to stay busy and keep your mind off your fan club, as much as it may grow larger now that you are employed in such a manner."

"I think Ikki will be very popular," she said. "He has been in every world I've known him in."

Kent did look up then, bumping his chair into the desk and frowning as he did. He rubbed at his knee as he stared at her in confusion. "I don't understand. Why—how—you can't possibly be here. You said you made your decision. That meant... I... you said goodbye, did you not? And you took time with Orion and left."

She smiled. "I took time with Orion, as much as I could get, since I knew I had to say goodbye again, but he and Nhil were the only ones that I had to say goodbye to, unless I was to go to every other world and say goodbye to every version of each of you I knew."

Kent blinked. "Yes, that would be rather impossible a thing, but still... This wasn't your world. You were supposed to return to the one with Ukyo where you belonged."

She gave him a small smile. "Kent, in all your theories, did you ever have proof that I _was_ from that world? Didn't you tell me that all Ukyo needed was to see me survive past the twenty-fifth? And remember, Nhil wasn't capable of bringing back the dead, only altering the perception of time."

Kent sat back, tensing up with her reminder. "That would suggest, then, that you were never from Ukyo's world at all. That you was dead. That... would never be undone, no matter what the wish. So... to suggest that you belonged in Ukyo's world... was a false assumption and would not have been sustainable."

"I think so," she said, "but I'm not as smart as you. I wanted to give you a logical reason, but I didn't really make my choice based on logic."

"You didn't?"

She shook her head. "I think I was denying something to myself all along when I came here."

"You were?"

She flushed. "I... Oh, this is embarrassing. I thought I was ready to say it, but it's harder than I thought, and I really do wish Orion was with me because he'd tell me to be brave, braver than I think I ever was with you, but the truth is... I didn't just think you were the safe choice or the logical choice."

He considered her words, trying not to make an impulsive decision based on them, even as the emotions inside him wanted to rush him toward a very rash action. He rose, walking around his desk, bumping it again as he did, but he ignored it to focus on her.

"Would it be too much to assume that those words mean that you... you have strong enough feelings for me to compel you to stay here, even if it is not your world?"

She nodded. "I mean, I think it is. Orion and Nhil told me I would make the right choice, and I wanted to, desperately. I wanted to make a choice that was good for everyone. I wanted to help them all. I still do. It's just... as much as you probably would have been the most capable of moving on without me in some ways—more so than Ukyo, I think, or even Ikki, if he didn't know the truth of his fan club—Shin would manage, but I worry about Toma and how far he'll go to protect someone—I mean, you could get by without me."

"In theory," Kent agreed, still bothered by the idea of her going. His emotions strongly disagreed with her assertion. "I would likely do as I have done, focus on research until I could not think of you any longer."

She nodded, biting her lip. "I know. I... I'm sorry. I'm doing this all wrong, but what I thought was... as much as you could probably get along without me, you were the one I didn't want to leave behind."

"What?" Kent winced at his own pathetic reaction, the disbelief in his voice, for she had been rather clear with that statement, unlike her usual stumbling. She had as much as said—but no, he didn't want to assume too much even as the likely proof was standing here in front of him.

If she was real, then what he wanted to believe, that was true, and he knew he would end up making a fool of himself again over her, wanting to hold her and not let go despite the many reasons why he should and that was inappropriate.

"I suppose I should say it first, as I held back before, not wanting to influence your decision as well as somewhat uncertain of the depth and veracity of my feelings, but I do believe I love you. Not in any way that is rational or reasonable, but in a near desperate state where I would show you many pathetic displays of that same emotion now." He grimaced, refusing to give into the temptation to tell her that he would very much like to marry her someday. "You do not have to say that you—"

"I've been trying to," she said, blushing even redder than before. "I really have been, but I'm not any good at this, either. I just... I talked a lot with Orion, and the more I did, the more I was sure that I wasn't just hesitating because I was afraid of making the wrong choice—I was afraid of making the right choice."

"That seems a bit... contradictory."

She stepped forward and wrapped her arms around him. "I love you, Kent. I'm sorry I wasn't honest about it. I was confused after all those other worlds, and I wanted to tell myself it was just that you understood and remembered Orion, but it was more than that. I was just... to scared to admit it, even to myself, but every time I thought about leaving, I couldn't. And it hurt, when I hurt you. I hated myself for it more and more."

He embraced her tightly, not just because he still had some doubts she was real and telling him what he wanted to hear, but also because of the fears now rising in him. "If you remember more, you will know that I hurt you a great deal as well."

She looked up at him. "I'm not afraid of remembering. I think maybe I was, but not anymore. Orion and I talked a long time. He helped me see that even if I hadn't been sure before or had been upset by you in the past, things had changed. We both had changed. You had promised to be more open with me, and I saw how much you cared. You've learned so much, and so have I. I want to be with you, even if it's hard. You stuck by me even when I hurt you, and if you can do that... so can I. We can work through anything if you think about what we've already overcome."

He touched her cheek with a smile. "You may be exaggerating that, but it is true few couples have to deal with spirits, alternate worlds, or amnesia like we have. Perhaps more have been in the situation where there is an excessive amount of rivals for their love, but there is little precedence for spirits or alternate worlds."

"Somehow you sound proud of that."

"You have just said how unique our love is," he said. "Why should I not be proud?"

She smiled at him. "You're cute, Kent."

He flushed. Cute wasn't the word he'd use to describe himself, but she seemed pleased, so he did not argue her choice. "Having such a statistically improbable romance has its appeal in many ways. I shouldn't say it, I suppose, but if you think about it... this would need a lot of careful study and research, the sort that could take a lifetime."

"You mean you'd want to be with me forever?"

"Yes, that is precisely what I mean."

She sighed in contentment. "That's what I want, too. I'm so glad I didn't just go through that other door. This is where I belong. I'm sure of it now."


End file.
